about friends

Sudah bbrp hari terakhir ini aku lagi kepikiran tentang yg namanya teman.
Ngerti kan.. teman as in people who are close to you, in various extends, who share everything you're going through...
Kalo dipikir2 pertemanan kita, you know who you are (terlalu banyak utk disebutin satu2), itu unik banget...
Mungkin karena kita semua yang jauh dari keluarga dan harus belajar bgm bisa survive di situasi dan lokasi yg bener2 berbeda jadinya kita semua pada membentuk a certain bond yg mungkin nggak bakalan bisa terjadi kalo kita pada nggak ketemuan di sini, di amsterdam.
Sehabis baca blognya nari, mau nggak mau aku jadi merasa agak melankolis dan sentimental. Dan terus aku coba memprediksi gmn kalo sudah waktuku utk move on, get on my feet alone without you all. Bukannya aku nggak mau bareng2 sama kalian terus, but I'm just being realistic here.. it's just impossible. Dan apa yang aku bayangin bikin aku takut.
From all the things that make me afraid, there's just one thing that I'm really afraid of and I'm trying to deny. I'm afraid that after I moved on, I'm gonna forget you all...
Forget not in the sense of erasing all the memories we share together (it's impossible!!!!) but more in moving on and losing touch with you all. And I know I'm not good at keeping in touch at all. I seem to have this disorder that makes me have a blackout when I'm trying to do such thing, this is probably what you guys called an asocial personality...
It's sad but it's true and it's happening all the time.
That's why my best friends, please forgive me if I do that. But you have to know that I will never ever forget the times that we share together.
All the good and the bad times.

Sounds like a say-goodbye-letter? Probably it is. For in the future, if we all really have to apart I can just Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V this one ^__^
ps: probably i'm writing this just bcos of my pms + gara2 lagunya natasha beddingfield "I bruise easily". Padahal aku dulunya anti banget sama si natasha ini.. yg ta pikir hanya dom blondje aja kaya si Do. Yah, first impression ku bisa salah juga.

nobody knows

This is the title of the Japanese movie that I just saw the other day.
It was on Friday night when we (the usual crowds Prasma, Nina, Nat, and Dimas) so compulsively decided to go to see this movie.
Started by Nat's shouting at us saying "Guys, I want to see this japanese movie Nobody knows.. It's supposed to be great", I checked up where and when this movie is played.
It turned out that we're only 1 hour away from the late voorstelling (show). So in a splits second we all decided --> OK, get your jacket and let's go.

In the theater (it's at Cinerama FYI, in case you're interested), I saw quite a lot of Japanese faces.. Hmm, this movie sounds promising, doesn't it? I always think that when there're lots of foreigners gather for something from their own cultures, it must be good.. You know what I mean right??

AND... the movie was superb..
It was great
it was touching
it was heart breaking
and it makes me think.. hard

To tell you first, the movie is based on true story.
The story starts with the house moving of a mother, Keiko, and his son Akira to a new apartment. It all seems normal at the first place but then as the movers are all gone and both the mother and son starts unpacking, you'll start feeling that there is something wrong here.
The suitcases that should have contained all their belongings turn out to be occupied by Akira's 2 younger brother and sister, Shigeru and Yuki.
And not long afterwards, Akira's another younger sister, Kyoko is also introduced in the movie.
They're all happy and content, with Akira as a responsible boy in the family and Kyoko who takes care of the household.
But then all of a sudden, Keiko leaves and only left her children with money enough for a month living.

I don't want to spoil too much here, as you might want to see the film. The heart of the story lies on how the children try to survive without their mother and still think positively about life.
I am not good at words and that's why I can't express how I feel about this movie. If only I have the mind of a poet so that I can express this feeling.
But ya.. the film is sooooo my kind of film and that's why I might be a bit bias about it. Nevertheless, it won at Cannes though (for best actor Yuya Yagira act's for Akira. And he's just turned up 15 this march!!!!)
Geez.... you really should see this movie.. Een echte aanrader.......

Ok, switch subject but with the same title.
Do you ever feel that lots of people know you but they don't really know you?
Not even you yourself know the real you.
Do you? Do you?

The other night I was thinking and recapitulating a piece of my childhood and youth history.
I began to think about myself when I was in high school with all the dramas and stories.
And then suddenly I was there...
I was at the schoolyard.. wearing my white shirt and red skirt...
Laughing and running and sweating
Watching other kids playing and crying
I was back at elementary school.. when I was only 9 yeard old
Dunno what this is.. I couldn't say it was deja-vu
Because it was all in my mind but I feel like I was really there
Feeling happy.. Pure happiness and no any other things

I thought.. this isn't me
I thought...this was me
I thought...would this be me?

geef mij nu je angst

A song that touches my heart so deeply

Geef mij nu je angst
By:Guus Meeuwis (original version by Andre Hazes)

Je zegt ik ben vrij maar jij bedoelt ik ben zo eenzaam
Je voelt je te gek zeg jij maar ik zit niet te dromen
Want die blikken in je ogen zegen alles tegen mij
Ik voel me precies als jij dus jij kan eerlijk zijn
Je voelt je heel goed zeg jij je mond begint te trillen
Ik weet dat ik jou kan helpen maar je moet zelf willen
Elkaar nu een dienst bewijzen dat is alles wat ik vraag
Zet weg nu die angst ik wist het al het is mijn dag vandaag

Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

Kijk mij nu eens aan nee zeg maar niets je mag best zwijgen
Het valt nu nog zwaar maar ik weet dat ik jou kan krijgen
Dit hoeft nooit meer te gebeuren als je bij me blijft vannacht
Want dan zal je zien als jij straks wakker wordt dat jij weer lacht

Geef mij het gevoel dat ik er weer bij hoor voortaan
Ik ga met je mee want ik laat je nu nooit meer gaan
Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

Geef mij het gevoel dat ik er weer bij hoor voortaan
Ik ga met je mee want ik laat je nu nooit meer gaan
Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

ada yg lebih parah?

sudah hampir sebulan lebih aku nggak update si blog ini
kasian deh blogku.. keliatan sepi dan lesu, tidak bergairah
nggak ada feature2 yg fancy2 dan bisa diliat utk menyegarkan mata
hampir sama persis kaya yg punya...
bedanya, blog ku nggak bisa protes dan nggak punya perasaan
lha kalo aku, wah ratunya ngomel dan punya perasaan banget loh

bagi yg bertanya2..in case ada yg baca
knp kok judulnya "ada yang lebih parah?"
ini karena minggu lalu aku bener2 dlm keadaan batin yg parah banget
(maaf kalo bahasanya rada aneh)
yg saking parahnya aku cuma bisa duduk termanggu-manggu
di kamar yg gelap, nunggu sampe aku ketiduran
dan nunggu lagi
apa kira2 hari besok bakalan lebih kelabu ato sama aja kelabunya..

too many things went wrong at the same time
dan kenapa lagi terjadinya ke aku
yang nggak multitasking sama sekali
yang nggak bisa dng gampang switching problems
from the one and the others

tapi aku masih berusaha utk survive
biarpun aku sendiri nggak yakin
apa aku bisa
may god be with me

(post kali ini sucks banget yah.. yg berikutnya moga2 lbh baik dan lbh cheerful hehehe)