ene-nanobes

Kenapa sih kamu kok gitu?

2007-03-12T00:57:00.000+01:00

Tiap akhir minggu kamu pasti gitu.
Kenapa sih?
Kenapa kok suka bikin orang bete dan sebel bel bel bel bel?
Udah tau aku gak suka kamu gitu tapi kok tetep dilakuin?
sekali dua kali gpp, tapi kalo tiap minggu lak yo mangan ati!

Tadi seharian itu bersih2 rumah tuh sambil bete abis mikirin ini dan akhirnya konklusi akhir: kamu bikin aku bete. titik.

__________________________________

Baru nyadar kalo blog ini isinya ttg keluh kesah aja dan aku baru posting di sini kalo aku lagi bete. hahahaha.. di blog satunya lbh ceria dan bervariasi rek.
Tradisi ini akan terus berlanjut tak pikir. Enak juga bisa nyerocos dan ga ada yg comment. Cuma pengen ngeluarin unek2 aja. memang blog itu enak buat ngomel2.

2006-10-25T15:03:00.000+02:00

Crap!!
abis punya multiply jarang banget apdet blogspot.

2006-08-25T15:33:00.000+02:00

Akhir2 ini suasana hati jadi mellow. Kadang di kerjaan suka ngelamun2 sendiri padahal kerjaan numpuk. Agustus yang berhujan dan membawa suasana sendu. Summer terlalu pendek untuk dinikmati. Hari-hari untuk bbq-an masih bisa dihitung jari. Hari-hari pakai rok dan sandal. Ah ya.. summer kali ini memang terlalu pendek untuk bisa meresapi kejadian2 yang terjadi.

Kata-kata orang tua bahwa jalan hidup manusia itu sudah ditentukan kadang2 bisa dipercaya tapi kadang2 aku bisa berontak dan bilang "Nee.. Jalan hidup kita itu kita sendiri yang menentukan. Apa yang kita lakukan pasti akan membuahkan sesuatu. Ada sebab ada akibat". Jadi kitalah yang mestinya bisa menentukan jalan kita masing2. Kita hanya diberi pilihan. Jalan mana yang akan dipilih??

Nggak terasa 6 tahun sudah berlalu.. dan sekarang jalan mana yang akan kau ambil? No matter which way you take, there is no such thing as bad way. Sometimes you slip, sometimes you fall but try to get up and you will get there. I still don't know what "there" is but I'm sure you will know after a while. Good luck for all of us.

2006-08-08T16:38:00.000+02:00

Ik wil op vakantie.. ik wil ik wil ik wil..
Pokoknya ikke willen.
DOH segitunya. Suara dalam hati memang susah banget dipendam.
Maunya vakantie, tapi kepikiran IND dan kerjaan dan duit melulu.
Pusiiing deh.
2 minggu ni berlalu cepet banget
seneng, susah, sakit ati, bahagia, marah, stress, nangis nyampur aduk
kaya pecel. (slurrpp.. pingin makan pecel)
Kok bisa ya manusia itu merasakan macem2 pada tenggang waktu yg sangat amat pendek?
Apa nantinya kita nggak jadi sakit.. Mungkin sekarang kita udah agak sakit ya dan udah terbiasa makanya switching mood begitu cepatnya kerasa normal-normal aja.
Capek lho kadang2.. Kalo ngerasa bahagia sih nggak capek, tapi kalo stress sama sakit ati mlulu lak yo iso gendeng seh suwe2.
(masih kepikiran pecel dan rempeyek kacang teri dan tempe goreng panas)

Malem ini pengen masak pancake.... pake boter banyak terus pake poedersuiker yang banyak sampe ngebul2.. dan terus pake jam...hmmmmmm...
Sayangnya harus ngabisin gehakt kemarin. Bayangin beli gehakt 1 kilo dimakan berdua 2 hari nggak abis2. DUH saya bangkrut!!!! makanya program pengiritan dan numpang makan digalakkan.

2006-08-04T17:52:00.000+02:00

if you were given the choice
both were not the best choice you think at that moment
how would you choose
the best option for everyone?

now the choice was made
how could you tell.

2006-08-01T12:48:00.000+02:00

In the morning you know we won't remember a thing
In the morning you know it's gonna be all right
.. razorlight - in the morning
Lagi hooked up sama lagu2 yg ngepop abis. Terus suka banget Lily Allen sama the feeling.. yah lagu2 yg bisa dinyanyiin kalo lagi in the mood lah. terus the zutons sama orson juga okeh deh.

Hari ini tuh belanda kembali lagi ke cuaca yang gloomy and mendung setelah kira2 3 mingguan bercuaca tropis. Nou ja.. weer truitje aan. Salah kostum banget deh,cuma pake sandal doang gini.

Weekend kemarin was slow and good. Hari sabtu mestinya nge potluck sama anak2 di uilenstede, tapi udah ada janji dan richard mesti kerja juga. Kita nya udah rencana bakalan ke sana abis dia pulang kerja, aku juga udah masak sambel goreng udang sama tempe goreng bacem special loh. Eh ternyata aku abis masak udah capek dan richard juga capek banget.. dengan berat hati kita mutusin utk gak dateng. Bete deh soalnya pas hari itu pake acara karaokean segala. Gak seru banget.

Maunya sih sabtu di rumah aja, aku capek banget. Tapi trs Dave tonggonya Richard muncul bawa roseetje. Well gak nolak lah yauw dan abis gitu kita diundang ke blauwe theehuis. Akunya dah males gitu tapi richard ngajakin.

Hari minggu kita reorganizing kamarnya richard. Seharian kita angkat2 barang dan sekarang kamarnya jadi rapi dan kita punya space yang lebih luas. Kerjaan selesai, makan tosti sama minum jus d'orange..hmm lekker. Kamarnya jd super gezellig deh.
Dan sekarang, udah hampir pertengahan minggu lagi. Udah capek lagi. Aku pengen weekend!!!

2006-07-11T14:27:00.000+02:00

you you and you
i tried so not to give in
so why should i try to resist when i know damn well
but each time i do just the thought of you makes me
stop before i begin
i got you under my skin?

2006-07-11T14:21:00.000+02:00

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found
The somebody who could make me be true
Could make me be blue or even be glad
Just to be sad just thinking of you
Some others I've seen might never be mean
Might never be cross or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do
For nobody else gave me the thrill
With all your faults I love you still
It had to be you
Wonderful you
It had to be you

Used to be smittenly in love with this song
Used to be my theme song in the morning shower
Now I couldnt even sing
Felt like I've lost something
I've lost myself in this undefined thing
... was I
..did he
.. weren't they
...i dont know
please stop this
...no... i hate you..i really hate you
i love you guys
..help me i'm crying inside
........left behind.. empty insane alone
...i really dont know
the future is there any.. why thinking about it now
i am tired.

2006-06-27T13:42:00.000+02:00

It's been 2 days ago. The day when we supposed to go on to the next round. When we supposed to cheer up and party the whole night coz we go on..
Unfortunately it was the day when experienced actors and stupid referee ruined the whole game. I'm talking about the Portugal-Netherland match.
After the game I have no respect more for Figo and I have doubt in Van Basten. Van Basten should have known better to put more experienced player in against the Portugees. OK we got young and all fiery player but experience is also needed.
Gosh I'm still very emotional talking about this match.
Not to mention the stupid referee Ivanov. In total he gave like about 16 yellow cards and 4 red cards I think. He really got it out of the hand.
After the match, Blatter the FIFA president made a comment that this referee also deserves a red card for his poor performance. Yea!! Give him a kick in the ass.
So disappointed but lifes go on. Just prepare yourself for EK 2008 Oranje!!!
Foto's taken from fifaworldcup.com

2006-06-23T10:48:00.000+02:00

Mood: hating the world and all the people in it
No not all the people in it... just myself to be exact.
Wanna shut the door, close the curtain, turn off the tv, and bark like a dog to anyone interrupting my world.
Yah yah.. the mood swing periode is coming again. SYIITTT!!! Why Why Why???

"Duh!! Stop complaining" I'd like to say to myself. Lately I've been acting like a spoiled child, wanted life with no responsibilities, been sick a lot lately, been calling home a lot. I'm afraid I got a burn out. :-|

2006-06-08T13:50:00.000+02:00

Ssst!!! Tau gak? Besok..
Iya besok tuh.. ada acara gede!!
Masa gak tau sih!!!
Akhirnya.. hari yang ditunggu-tunggu.. World Cup akan dimulai lagi sodara-sodara.. Hip hip hura... Hup Holland Hup!!
Benerannya sudah nggak pernah ngikutin football lagi tapi tiap kali ada evenement football gede kaya misalnya Champions League ato WK ini slalu aja bersemangat.
Ngerasa gezellig aja bisa nonton football bareng2 orang yang juga bersemangat belain negara masing2.
Dulu waktu masih di indonesia, sukanya sih nonton bola di rumah bareng2 papa ma adikku. Tapi di sini gak ada yang demen nonton bola yah jadinya ga sbrp seru.

Tapi pernah oi 2 tahun yg lalu ada bola di TV belanda lawan sapa gitu lupa.. tapi yang jelas belanda menang dan aku nonton itu pertandingan sendirian di kamar dan teriak2 kaya orang gila. Hwahahahaha... sampe akhirnya ada tetangga yang ngetok ke kamar setelah pertandingannya selesai. Dia bilang gini "Hee.. gezellig he op je kamer" Hwakakakaka.. Dianya juga nonton ndirian tapi ga teriak2 kaya aku.

Tahun ini seperti biasa nggak begitu mengharapkan belanda utk bisa menang. Lolos ke babak selanjutnya aja udah untung. Jagoku sih ya Brazil atao Le Bleu France. Tapi Portugal dan Kroatia bisa jadi lawan tangguh juga. Trus Argentina, hmmm.. quite difficult (se-group loh sama Belanda!!)

Ayo ayo.. ini ta kasih list group2nya yah. Trus prediksiku yg bakalan lolos ke babak selanjutnya.
Group A : Germany, Poland, Equador, Costa Rica --> Germany & Equador
Group B : England, Trinidad&Tobago, Sweden, Paraguay --> England & Trinidad-Tobago
Group C : Argentina, Serbia&Montenegro, Netherland, Ivory Coast --> Argentina & Netherland
Group D : Mexico, Angola, Portugal, Iran --> Portugal & Mexico
Group E : Italy, USA, Czech, Ghana --> Italy & Czech
Group F : Brazil, Australia, Japan, Kroatia --> Brazil & Kroatia
Group G : France, Korea, Togo, Swiss --> France & Korea
Group H : Spain, Tunisia, Arab Saudi, Ukraine --> Spain & ... Dunno

Haduh.. gak sabar deh. Dan pertandingan pertama besok Germany x Costa Rica @ Munchen Stadium-- jam 6 sore. Hahahah.. How you could wish for more?
A couple of friends, a TV, and lots of snacks & drinks.. Would be wonderful.. Ayo nonton bola rame2 yoo!!
Duh.. there goes my diet!! (koyo-koyo aku tau diet ae @_@)

2006-05-17T11:45:00.000+02:00

Percaya nggak kalo aku bilang aku punya masalah paling gede? Kasihan nggak kalian kalo aku bilang masalahku itu nggak bisa terpecahkan? Aku bilang gini bukan gara2 aku punya masalah gede, rumit, dan tak terpecahkan.. Bukan.
Cuma barusan kepikir aja kalo manusia itu memang sejak dulu mikir dirinya sendiri adalah pusat dari semuanya. Masalahku yang paling gede, mobilku paling keren, rumahku paling gede, anakku paling pinter, dst, dst...

Contohnya jauh sebelum Copernicus menyatakan theori heliocentric-nya, orang2 jaman itu menganggap bahwa cosmos itu berputar dengan bumi sebagai porosnya. (Ok mungkin bukan contoh yg bagus, but do you see the similarity?)

Dan begitulah.. aku sudah capek kerja di kantor ini. Yang orang2nya menganggap bahwa masalahnya adalah masalah yang paling gede dan harus mendapatkan prioritas nomer satu. Orang2 yang nggak mau mendengarkan pendapat orang lain. Bilangnya di luar "Ok aku minta pendapat kalian" tapi selanjutnya pendapat kita ditentang mati2an dan membuat orang2 lainnya merasa kita itu orang2 bodoh yang mestinya nggak bikin pernyataan bodoh kaya itu tadi. Geezz.. ngapain dong tanya pendapat kalo ntar juga pendapat dia yg harus disetujui?

Gosh.. I'm so fed up dan the worst thing is I dont get enough money that I'm supposed to get for the job. Enough is enough.

Ok, sejenak menjadi an egocentric-needs attention-materialistic-center of the world-bitch.
I'm so indecisive and so tired of not having enough money. Been working my ass off and can't even afford to buy new wardrobe, get a decent vacation, or having a nice 4-course meal. WTF..

But on the other hand, I should consider myself lucky. I'm not that fortunate money-wise but still I'm thankful for the friends and family that I have. They worth more than money can buy.

(barusan nyadar kalo aku tuh kok sukanya nyampur bahasa indo sama inggris yah. nyampur aduk gak karuan kaya jangan asem hehe..)

2006-05-03T12:48:00.000+02:00

To you,

I'm confused and I cannot find the answer
I am trying to find the answer
But I haven't got it yet
And that's why I'm angry
Angry to you
Angry to myself
For not being strong enough
For not standing up

Just want to talk to you coz I miss you so much
But how could we talk if you're avoiding me?
This doesn't feel good
So much unspoken feeling
Why?

We got this far so why ruining it?
To you my friend I write this letter.
The letter that will never be sent and will never be read by you.
My dearest, I love you and I miss you so much.
I wish you only knew..

For you my dear friend, from Amsterdam with love.

2006-04-27T16:38:00.000+02:00

Not feeling really gezellig today,in fact for couple of days already. Just wanna have quiet lazy days but... also feeling restless.. Feel like one small friction and I'll explode...
My period is coming. Definitely can feel it.
Woman... can't live with or without period. Period.

2006-04-22T03:29:00.000+02:00

barusan baca blognya si nari ttg makanan paling enak (kalo mo liat itu tuh.. ada link di kanan bawah terus cari yg namanya nari..)
hmm susah sih cari makanan yang PALING enak, karena banyak banget makanan enak yg pernah saya icipi. tapi kalo makanan yang paling memorable.. nah itu tuh...
gini nih daftarnya:

1. memory pertamaku ttg makanan adalah waktu di tk kita semua setiap hari rabu dikasih makan. makannya bareng2 sekelas dan semua anak harus makan apa yang disajiin. trus suatu hari rabu kita harus makan rawon daging. ih dulu saya gak doyan daging (sampe sekarang lbh prefer sayur) barblas barblas ooo.. nah mukjijat terjadi.. daging rawon yang dulunya ada di mangkok dalam sekejap pindah ke kantong seragam saya.. ihihihi.. dan yg membuat itu memorable adalah waktu mama melucuti (kesannya jahat yach) seragam saya.. baru ketauan tuh saya nyembunyiin daging.. hehehe.. tanda2 bakat nyuri??

2. waktu pas smp.. abis pulang sekolah, super laper, dan di meja makan udah siap makanan2 enak2. tapi herannya saya cuma makan nasi putih anget, tempe goreng, sama sambel bawang putih. yang bikin memorable soalnya bisa nambah sampe 3 kali cuma dengan lauk tempe ma sambel.. ooh super wueeenakkk..

(kok jadi laper ya!!) pingin masak indomie

3. oyah.. dulu saya gak doyan nasi sampe pas kelas 3 sd. dus, sampe umur 7 ato 8 gitu..makanan paling enak saya adalah segelas susu sapi dan gelasnya harus pake gelas favorit saya. kalo nggak pake itu gak bakalan mau minum dan nangis jerit2. gimana yah, gelasnya tuh punya rasa dan bau tertentu yg saya masih inget samar2. salah satu memory yg ga bakal ilang. masih inget juga hari di mana saya dipisahkan dari gelas susu itu dan gimana setahun (ato lebih) kemudian mencuri2 minum susu dari gelas yg sama. dan herannya abis itu aku ga pernah lagi kepingin minum pake gelas tsb.. sedih deh.. jadi krasa losing my childhood friend.

4. okeh.. lanjut ke nr 4.. ini nih kenangan yg bener2 memorable. pas di sma critanya. dulu tuh sma sibuk banget. kalo ga ada ekskul, pasti ada les, ato ada program tambahan gitu. jadi tidur siang abis pulang sekolah kaya suatu luxury tersendiri. suatu sore, pas lagi bisa pulang rumah pagi2 (gak malem2 kaya biasanya) jadinya taking a nap sebentar.. enak deh.. dan terus bangun2 ketemu papa lagi di ruang makan. akunya masih kriyep2 dan kelaparan lagi cari makan. ga tau si papaku lagi ngapain, tapi tiba2 aja aku diajak makan bami di restoran... baminya ga spesial2 amat, conversation was just so-so, nothing extraordinary.. tapi gimana yach.. its just one of those moments between my dad and I. moment yang aku nggak bakalan lupa.

ah jadi sentimental deh kalo inget2 ini.

5. makanan2 yg sebenernya nggak patut disebutkan tapi mendapat tempat khusus karena kejadian2 konyol yang membarenginya pas masak2 bareng di belanda sini. hihihihi.. ada masak soto yang pake kira2 1/2 kg vitsin gara2 salah ngira itu garem ("Kok ga asin2 sih nih soto? tambahin garem lagi dong!!") trus trus.. nggoreng telor pake vinegar gara2 salah ngira itu minyak.. hahahaha... trus pertama kali nggoreng telor dng gobloknya tanya ke tetangga brp takeran minyak yang harus dipake.. OMG..

Tapi balik ke original question, makanan paling enak buat saya adalah nasi putih yang masih ngepul panas dimakan sama jangan asem bikinan mama sama tempe goreng, ikan asin, sama sambel trasi. Dimakan bareng2 sama papa, mama, dan ma lil' bro di meja makan di rumah di indonesia. Nggak bakalan ada yg bakalan ngalahin itu.

How about yours? Caution: mikir ttg makanan bisa bikin laper

2006-04-19T16:08:00.000+02:00

gimana caranya bikin nasi goreng seafood yang enak??
ntar mau coba pake bumbu2 standar aah

"suara baik kepada saya, bermimpi manis"
itu tuh hasil terjemahan bahasa indonesia dari input
"sounds good to me, sweet dream"
lucu gak seh??? tadi iseng2 nyoba dan ngakak2 sendiri..hihihi... jadi inget ghost with the hole.. alias sundel bolong... wakakakakaka...

*another postingan nggak jelas.. pingin ngeluarin semua uneg2 di kepala, tapi nggak bisa.. ngiri banget sama penulis atau artis yang bisa ngeluarin emosi mereka dan menghasilin sesuatu yang indah.. brr.. emang nggak punya bakat ngartis ya gini deh

2006-04-19T15:54:00.000+02:00

how do you know if this is it?
no you dont know
you might know but never for sure i suppose
so what should be done?
running away or face it like a man
what an irony
bless our souls
Amsterdam - April 19 2006

2006-04-12T11:39:00.000+02:00

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in
its own way.

Dunno why that sentence stucks in my mind for already couple of weeks. The very first sentence by Tolstoy in Anna Karenina..
My family is OK at this moment and I'm OK with them as well, so why does this sentence keep me awake? Hmm... curious

I just remember something.. A friend and I were watching TV and people were asked this question "What makes you happy and content?". Some answered money, some answered shopping, going out and etc. And then my friend said something that strucks me.. he said why none of these people mentioned love as their answer.

Totally agree with him.. but my rational mind said we still need money to survive. Ok money is not ALL you need to make you happy but it's one hell important ingredient. Face it, we live in this commercial world. No money, no paid bill, no hahahihihi.. malah perut jadi mules.

Yah.. my bittered romanticized view of happiness.

2006-04-10T15:56:00.000+02:00

3.45 pm monday afternoon
mestinya hari senin tuh ditiadakan
tapi kalo hari senin nggak ada terus piye?
apa cuma ganti nama jadi hari isnin
tapi konsepnya tetep sama?
ah saya ga suka hari senin

wiken terlalu cepet berlalu
jumat dinner
sabtu kerja
minggu yah.. goes like that

tapi bagusnya seminggu dari sekarang
ada hari yang ditunggu-tunggu
jadi yah mari kita lewati minggu ini
dengan semangat

ps: koninginnedag hampir tiba loh.. ada yang udah punya rencana kah? ayo bareng2 ke amsterdam yuk

2006-04-06T15:25:00.000+02:00

the spring brings the flutters of birds
it brings the butterflies in my stomach
just thinking of...
sunny warm sunday afternoon
sitting under the shade of a tree
ella or billie on the background
anna karenina on one hand
sparkling white wine on the other

the sound of streaming water on the background
the smell of fresh spring grass under the sun
the cool lazy wind tells you its almost time
and the sight of the world so fresh and young yet as old as mother time can remember

god.. i love spring

(ok this is a romanticized view of spring, but can't help it. im a sucker for spring)

2006-04-04T14:26:00.000+02:00

Minggu kemarin bener-bener minggu disastrous. Seminggu penuh dilanda demam. Ini sakit yang rada luar biasa soalnya kalo aku sakit paling2 cuma terkapar 2 hari gitu.

Mulai hari sabtu minggu sebelumnya tuh udah gak enak badan. Perut sakit trus keujanan dan kecapekan kerja alhasil pas hari minggunya udah mulai demam gitu. Minum obat macem2 juga nggak sembuh2. Trus yg nyebelin kalo badan udah kerasa enakan, ntar tau2 siang hari bolong atau jam 3 pagi bisa kena aanval lagi. Menggigil kaya orang ketagihan opium gitu tuh.

Untung sekarang dah baek lagi, Mea makasih yah commentnya. Moga2 nggak dapet sakit2 lagi.

Yah gitu deh sekilas info dari saya. Akhir2 ini jarang banget ngeblog... maunya sih ya update teratur tapi kok ya nggak ada cerita menarik yg patut diceritakan. Oh iya baru inget, tadi baru keluar jalan bentar beli lunch buat orang2 kantor dan akhirnya ngeliat dng mata kepala sendir betapa seriusnya polisi Amsterdam berusaha mengatasi squatters or krakkers.. Kasian deh. Aku benernya ya simpati sama para krakkers itu, tapi polisinya terlalu banyak dan sangar2..

Sudah ah, ngelantur terlalu panjang nih. Tot volgende keer dan maar

2006-03-20T23:26:00.000+01:00

I wish a falling star could fall forever
And sparkle through the clouds and stormy weather
And in the darkness of the night
The star would shine a glimmering light
And hover above our love

Please hold me close and whisper that you love me
And promise that your dreams are only of me
When you are near, everything’s clear
Earth is a beautiful heaven
Always I hope that we follow the star
And be forever floating above

I know a falling star can’t fall forever
But let’s never stop falling in love

When you are near, everything’s clear
Earth is a beautiful heaven
Always I hope that we shine like the star
And be forever floating above

I know a falling star can’t fall forever
And let’s never stop falling in love
No let’s never stop falling in love

Pink Martini - Let's never stop falling in love
18 march 06-thanks for all your love

2006-03-01T10:40:00.000+01:00

I just read the newest mail from the small mailing list I joined in.
It's not even a real mailing list, just a reply-to-all mails that my friends and I send to each other.

Probably it's the fullmoon outside or it's just me being mellow but when I read the mails I cried.
I cried like a small child cries. The mail wasn't sad. In contrary it was a very happy and cheerful mail.
And I cried coz I feel elevated knowing that other people had a hard time as well but they are still struggling and surviving like I do now.
Somehow I don't feel that lonely anymore.

I just remember what's written on my high school year book. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do now. I'm not trying, I just do it.
And hope that the best will come out of it.

2006-02-24T14:39:00.000+01:00

Met ultah blogku..
1 tahun yang lalu pada hari yang sama
aku posting tulisan pertamaku
isinya "Test drive"

Satu tahun udah aku ributin kamu dengan
cerita2 yang ga masuk akal dan yang ngerti cuma aku aja
Bedankt & XXX

PS: Thanks buat Nina yg ngingetin aku

2006-02-18T04:32:00.000+01:00

4.11 am Saturday 18 February

Saya.. saya yang mestinya lagi tertidur nyenyak beralaskan ranjang empuk dalam kehangatan selimut tebal... yang dalam kenyataannya sedang nggak bisa tidur dan berusaha nyelesain kerjaan sambil memandangi 2 makhluk berbulu lebat mendengkur dan melingkar dengan tenangnya.. Ah, begitu enaknya jadi kucing!!!! Laper tinggal makan, ngantuk ya langsung rebahan, butuh kasih sayang ya langsung dikasih.. Oalah.. kucing kucing.. kok pingin ya sehari jadi kucing... Miao...miao...

Ngomong tentang kucing aku jadi inget bukunya annie mgschimdt dan film yang judulnya Minoes. Critanya ada kucing betina cakep banget dan si mbakyu ini bisa berubah jadi manusia. Aku lupa2 inget deh critanya gimana.. Si Minoes ini akhirnya tinggal bareng seorang penulis buat jadi sekretarisnya dia dan ok one funny thing leads to lots of troubles which finally ends with happily ever after deh. Filmnya lucu deh, aku suka. Tapi bukunya aku lebih suka lagi. Nggak tau ya apa bukunya ini diterjemahin dlm bahasa lainnya.. Kok rasanya pingin ngasih buat para ponakan di indo.

Bbrp hari yang lalu kan valentijn dan aku udah punya feeling kalo hari itu bakalan jadi disastrous dan menyebalkan. Eh ternyatanya nggak banget. Malah pas lagi kerja kita gezellig banget guyon2an di dapur berhahahihi ria. Well seperti biasa kalo aku lagi seneng mikirnya juga orang lain pasti juga lagi seneng, krn biasanya orang awam tuh lebih bisa menikmati apapun lebih baik drpd aku. Eh ternyata gak juga.. ada bbrp orang yg ternyata malah depresi banget dan akar masalahnya adalah karena mereka pernah punya pacar/suami/istri dan sekarang nggak lagi. Nah kalo dipikir2 mending juga nggak pernah punya pacar dan nggak perlu ngersulo mikirin betapa enaknya pacaran.. hehehehe.. logis nggak seh benernya?? @_@

2006-02-05T18:06:00.000+01:00

parting is difficult
parting and have a bad closure is even worse
but sometimes people just separated
the meaning of friendship fades away
it gets blurred
your mind stirred
evil words flirted with your rational

being young and silly is one thing
its ok being young and silly
but saying that its ok im silly because im young is stupid and unacceptable
if you realize that youre doing stupid things and do nothing
then its about time you grow up my dear

people needs to be more open and honest to each other
but society withheld us
why??
because of "i dont want to hurt feelings", "you needs to be diplomatic", and other bla bla bla
i am pretty sure we will have a better quality of life if people were more honest to each other
just that
no excuses, no non sense, no bla bla

2006-02-01T20:08:00.000+01:00

18
so young and knows it all
18 my dear
the world is old and youre so young
please be careful but not too
enjoy your day and be yourself still
thats all what counts

28
broken hearted
tasted the fragrance and poison of women
life goes on and you try to keep on going
someday somehow youll find out
beauty lies in the heart

35 ---- 45
What the hell is happening?
Do you feel suffocated?
Do you have enough rooms for your thoughts?
Are you OK?
Do you love and being loved?

Wednesday 1st February 2006

2006-01-31T13:55:00.000+01:00

Postingan pertama di tahun baru.. Yoehoee...
Gak kerasa udah 1 bulan kita di taun 2006. Baru juga satu bulan, tapi aku krasanya udah berbulan2 gitu.
Satu hal yang tetep bikin saya nyadar kalo ini masih awal tahun adalah DINGIN. brrrrrr.........

Kita dapet dingin ini katanya sih gara2 ketiban angin sejuk dari moscow sana. Di rusia bisa sampe -40C hii.. makanya jadi gak tega juga ngomel2. Kita di sini paling nggak masih dapet elektra, gas, dan heater. Kedinginan.. mwah paling nggak ada rumah yang hangat menunggu. Tapi mereka di rusland sana banyak banget yang miskin dan kedinginan. Haduh kok bisa ya. Padahal Rusia itu kaya banget, mungkin nature resourcenya lebih kaya dari indonesia, tapi tingkat korupsi dan kebobrokannya mungkin setara deh sama di indonesia.

Tapi ya ini semua kaya vicious circle, yang nggak bakal berhenti. Penyebab dari bitterkoud ini kan sebenernya juga globalwarming. Tapi kita sampai sekarang belum melakukan tindakan konkrit buat saving the planet, saving our lives and our children. Tony Blair kemarin bilang kalo global warming is advancing at an unsustainable rate. Yeah hallloooo.. we know it already. Saya bener2 ga percaya kalo orang2 ini sampe sekarang cuma bisa ngomong doang tapi ga melaksanakan apa2. Ugghh sebel banget. Apalagi yang namanya George W. Bush, lower than the lowest dog or pig in this planet earth, dia itu yang menentang Kyoto climate-change protocol dengan alasan bahwa protocol ini bakalan menghancurkan economy of the US. Protocol ini menyatakan bahwa emisi gas adalah salah satu penyebab global warming dan makanya harus dikurangi produksinya.

Masuk akal kan? Kalo aja orang2 yg duduk di dlm administrasinya Bush itu nyadar kalo kita itu harus mikir about the future juga. Economy memang penting tapi kalo jadinya malah nanti kita mati semua, lha terus ngapain??

2005-12-20T15:29:00.000+01:00

saya:
- abis jatuh dari tangga, kejatuhan vas bunga dan basah kuyup
- kesakitan di bagian enkel
- lagi gak berduit
- lagi depresi karena gak berduit
- lagi sebel sama temen di kerjaan
- abis ditanya pertanyaan yg bikin saya terkejut bukan kepalang
- mikir buat jawaban atas pertanyaan tadi
- bete karena gak bisa nemu jawaban yang bagus
- pingin libur
- lagi pingin ngerasain punya pacar buat sehari aja

orang2 di sekitar saya:
- lagi bekerja
- lagi makan
- lagi dengerin lagu
- hepi2 aja biarpun mereka lagi stres juga

kesimpulan:
hari ini hari yang sucks buat saya lahir maupun batin. tapi saya masih berusaha tetap positif dan berharap nanti malam insomnia nggak kambuh

2005-12-02T16:25:00.000+01:00

sore hari yang kelabu.. duduk di kantor, bengong sambil dengerin The Mills Brother "you always hurt the one you love"
ah, gimana ya. banyak yang pingin diceritain, tapi nggak bisa. Kalo udah gini rasanya bete banget, so many stories to tell but I just couldnt find the right expression.

The 2nd day of december, 23 days to go before Christmas. Ah, Christmas and New Year always make me mellow and sad. Its just probably the image that people create, having wonderful time with family and nothing else matters. The fun, the crowds, and most of all the hope. Somehow I never had any good experience with Christmas nor New Year. It always sucks and this year will be the same I afraid.

The parties that you should go to...aarghh... just mentioning it makes me depressed. You know, the kind of parties where you meet the others for just once a year but you act like you miss them and hugs and kisses. Bah.. so fake and I hate it so much. But it seems to me that everybody likes it or are they faking as well?? Is it just me being an asociaal or is there any good reason of hating it?

Talking about hate, I also hate people who always so cheerful, so damn nice to everyone, so damn perky, try to be the perfect lady in front of everyone eyes. I said lady, coz men usually dont even bother to do this, they just be themselves. But yeah, that kind of people makes me wanna puke. and trust me, you gonna meet lotsa them in those parties.

The winter is hereeeeeee... The past 5 years, I was ok with it. But this year is just particularly hard for me. The cold, the dim light of the future, and not to mention the less and less friends I got. They all go back with probably an excessive emotional baggage, but at least they go back to their families.. Man.. I would give a million to see my family here and really have a good time.

Sigh... At least I got one project ready to spend my lonely days and nights here in Amsterdam. No actually two.. One, go watch movies as much as possible and bake cakes.. heavenly cakes... Ah ya, enough for today. Got to do something useful before I go.

2005-11-04T12:44:00.000+01:00

Happy Idul Fitri temen2 yg ngerayain. Ngikutin adat yg berlaku, saya minta maaf kalo2 ada tulisan2 atao omongan2 saya yg nyakitin ati ato bikin bete anda2. Moga2 amal ibadahnya diterima oleh Yang di Atas..

Sudah lama banget saya gak updet ini blog. Kesibukan yg gak kenal tata krama merongrong saya hingga saat ini dan mungkin sampe akhir bulan ini.

30 okt yg lalu umur_saya = umur_saya + 1, gak ada something special sih pada hari H-nya. Cuma makan2 di Thai resto sama temen2 en dikasi kado videoclip (tapi yg ngasi gak rela hihihihi..). H-1 nya yg lumayan seru. Dikasi surprise kado sama collega di tempat kerjaan. Ntar ya kalo niat tak posting foto2nya. Umur tambah satu, beban bertambah banyak, dan saya jadi jauh lebih menghargai hidup. "Moga2 di taun2 mendatang rejeki tambah lancar, sehat2 selalu, dan cepet dapet jodoh yg baek ya Na", kata mamaku.. Hiekkk... langsung depresi deh.. Rejeki bisa dicari, kesehatan bisa dijaga, tapi jodoh??? Jadi tambah terbebani nih.. rasanya mama aku udah pingin liat aku dapet gatep (gandengen tetep hehehehe). Musim gini saya lagi gak mikir cari jodoh.. mending cari gelar dan cari posisi deh.

Oyeh, foto kanan ini nih kado yg tadi tak ceritain.. Jadi critanya, jari2ku dikasi full french manicure treatment. seru kan...
Trus yg kiri, pas kita keluar dan pas pesta halloween ^_^

Lanjut...Ya ok mungkin kadang2 mikir tapi ga sampe yg HUARUS dapet gitu. Akhir2 ini juga saya udah pesimis bisa nemu cowok yg decent, dlm arti normal2 aja. Co2 yg saya temukan akhir2 ini pada abnormal dan gak memenuhi standard banget. Dan pikiran bahwa semua cowok itu big jerks and big question mark semakin merajalela... Ah ya siapa saya untuk menghakimi orang? Saya selalu bilang, ntar deh kalo memang udah waktunya juga dateng2 sendiri..

Trus trus sekarang saya ga pake kacamata lagi. Yihaaa... palaku pusing banget jadinya. Kan kcmt yg aslinya pecah bbrp minggu yg lalu, terus tak pake kcmt cadangan.. eh trus lense yg sbelah kanan tau2 jatuh mak prak gitu aja.. Ya alhasil saya gak bisa liat apa2 sekarang. bt deh, kerja rasanya gak nyaman dan pusing melulu deh.

Aah udah gitu dulu aja deh, nyambung lain kali aja. Capek mata ini melihat layar monitor.

2005-10-15T20:16:00.000+02:00

saturday night....
feeling restless yet so tired
warm bed, nice dinner, a book and a warm tea
or
4 shots of tequila, crazy bar, full with people trying to have a break from the tiring everyday life?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Two shots of happy, one shot of sad
You think I'm no good, well I know I've been bad
Took you to a place, now you can't get back
Two shots of happy, one shot of sad

Walked together down a dead end street
We were mixing the bitter with the sad
Two shots of happy, one shot of sad
You think I'm no good, well I know I've been bad
Took you to a place, now you can't get t
Two shots of happy, one shot of sad

Walked together down a dead end street
We were mixing the bitter with the sweet
Don't try to figure out what we might of had
Just two shots of happy, one shot of sad

A fragment from Matt Dusk - Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad

------------------------------------------------------------------
Has been weeks since I write something.
The pressure has not been lifted yet but somehow I feel quite happy when I was busy dealing with it.

I have got asked a question that I know the answer of for quite some years now, but still quite shocked when I finally heard it asked to me...
So funny... But knowing what you want and really doing it... is sooooo totally different.

Eniwei, my cousin was graduated the other day as a dentist. Why dentist I asked.. He just said, it´s easy and I´ll have lotsa money and no boss bossing me around.. But I think it must be boring, have to do the same thing again and again days in days out and somehow I could not help but thinking that his decision of becoming a dentist must be (a great deal of it) under influence of the parents.
And funny part is a friend of his that I never had a real conversation with kinda agree with me. I´ve known him for some years now but never really talked. And yet we could have a good talk yesterday.
FUNNY.... I have always been a person that judge upfront (and my judgment rarely goes wrong) and of course I have judged him as a quiet and boring person who kinda a bit distant, but yeah I was wrong. I'm glad though that I was wrong.

For quite some time now, I have known a fairly different world and different person than that I'm used to and it's totally OK. Again funny part is, I am not complaining. And I am a person who doesnt really like changes. So... is this what we call developing...

It's still 8 pm and yet I'm drunk already.. Those damn people, keep feeding me with booze... Better go to bed now.

2005-09-19T13:24:00.000+02:00

A smile can change anything...
Begitulah tagline iklan CocaCola yang aku demeni.

When you're smiling, when you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you.
And when you're laughing, when you're laughing
....

Kenal lagu itu gak?
Lagu yang familiar banget dan gampang diikuti, kadang2 aku lagi jalan gitu nggak nyadar kalo aku humming nada2nya... Dan entah kenapa, kok lagu ini ngasih energi positif buat aku. Tiap kali liat hati rasanya sedikit elevated.

Memang bener kok, tersenyum itu bikin orang seneng. Dan senengnya itu nggak hanya buat diri kita sendiri tapi juga buat orang lain di sekeliling kita.

Banyak orang sudah nyadar kalo senyum atau laughter itu banyak manfaatnya (buat nglawan stress) jadinya sekarang tuh lagi ngetrend utk bareng2 ketawa bersama-sama. HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Hm, ada yg tertarik?? Mari kita tertawa bersama-sama.. Wan, tu, tri.. WHAHAHAHAKAKAKAKUKUKUKAKAKAKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKU....

Nah, jadi hepi kan!!!

2005-09-15T13:26:00.000+02:00

saya lapaaaaaaarrrr raaarrr
ga mood utk masak atao makan roti
nunggu jam 6 nanti kerja (dapet makan ooi) kok ya sek terlalu lama

tapi gudnius, saya gak perlu internetan di depan dapur lagi.
tadi pagi sudah benerin itu kabel dan sekarang sudah enak ndoprok di lantai sambil nulis imel

tadi pagi juga pertama kalinya saya baca doa novena salam maria
kok jadinya rasanya tenang
apa cuma sugesti yah?
ya saya mo coba terus baca doa itu, buat nenangin hati dan pikiran yang sedang kalut

dan saya baru aja bikin keputusan penting
saya mutusin: saya mau masak buat nenangin perut yang gak mau kompromi

2005-09-11T23:51:00.000+02:00

Phew.. akhirnya setelah beberapa minggu gak ada koneksi internet, akhirnya bisa internetan juga saya. Ini pun internetan nggak bisa pating petingkrangan di kamar. Dng berbekal laptop dan cross-cable pinjeman (barangku opo seh seng gak nyilih?) aku dah wuenak nyangkruk di depannya dapur sembari orang sliwar sliwer. Ya sekarang sih dah sepi, tapi tadi lumayan rame. Diliatin sih iya, tapi cuek amat.

Ini barusan nemu mainan baru namanya Skype. Denger2 ttg ini sudah dari lama tapi akunya gak pernah coba, soalnya ta pikir 'halah palingo yo mbujuk-mbujukan'. Lha e ternyata kok cukup berguna juga yo. Kemarin sempet telpon mama di indo. Kasian deh mamaku, aku telponnya yo nggak aturan. Di sana sudah jam 12.30 gitu. Suarane mamaku rasane persis koyo suaraku nek bangun tidur terima HP. Apel tak jatuh jauh dari pohonnya...
Hakakakakaka... Kok yo mbandingnone seng elek2 bukan seng apik2. Sakno rek mamaku.

Hmm... mau cerita opo yo? Sebenernya banyak kejadian berarti minggu2 kemarin ini, tapi aku ndak pingin crita di sini. Ntar kalo ada yg salah baca bisa berabe. Ya bukannya ini blog pasti banyak yg baca, tapi km gak akan pernah tau siapa atau orang2 apa yg bakalan ngunjungi website atau blog kamu. Makanya mendingan crita2 ngomong boso jowo, ben gak akeh seng ngerti.. ;D

Hmm lagi, soh gimana yah? crita itu gak bisa, crita itu lagi gak bisa. Bingung aku. Trus mau crita aktivitas sehari2, paranoid ntar ada yg stalking... Huakakakaka.. GR gak ketulungan yo koyo ngene iki. Oya pumpung lagi nyandu GR (dan ikut2 trend pe-blogger yg lain), saya minta maaf karena sudah gak apdet blog selama berminggu2. *HUUU... penonton minta duit kembali*

Ah mbuh lah. Pinginnya ya nulis blog itu yg baik dan benar, yg berarti dan memberi masukan dan penerangan buat orang lain atau at least diri sendiri.
*Sebentar ya tak consult google dulu*

Wah consult di google malah jadinya kesenengan, meh lupa kalo harus nyelesaiin inih. Ya sudahlah ta tutup dulu bloggernya. Aku sdh kangen sama google.

2005-08-26T20:26:00.000+02:00

Saya pingin nangis senggruk-senggruk tapi keterusan jadi ketawa histeris...

Oh life, how you playing tricks with ours
Should I just step aside and watch how my life is being led by destiny
Do you believe in destiny?
Or are you one of those people who believe that your life is in your hand?
I think destiny is playing with (or leading??) mine now

As I sit in front of the laptop
Listening to REM's losing my religion

"Oh no I said too much...
I thought that I heard you laughing
I though that I saw you smile....

That was just a dream
Just a dream
Just a dream"

My mind wanders nowhere
Stuck to this white screen
As a post-it would

De Pijp suddenly feels so homey
The familiar red bricks for the bikes
The sound, the smell of the trams
Dirk, where I spend probably 1/16 of my time here
Uilenstede, my on and off home for these past 5 years

The list could go on forever
But I wont
It's enough

kangen deh

2005-08-20T18:52:00.000+02:00

Sudah lama gak ngeblog kangen juga. Yah gimana lagi, lha wong the past 3 weeks were really hectic. Untungnya udah berlalu lah semuanya. Sekarang balik lagi ke irama semula. Tapi sayangnya komputer di rumah lagi ngaco. Perlu dielus-elus sebentar biar gak ngambek lagi hihihi.. Hampir seminggu gak tau dibuka, eh diturn on kok malah ngadat. Dasar komputer manja :D

Eniwei, ini bisa ngeblok karena di tempat kerjaan lagi break sebentar. Aku terkagum2 deh sama bos2ku ini. FYI, mereka gay, mereka artist, mereka remarkable, dan mereka bener2 orang2 baik. Bayangin, tadi sebenernya aku diajak ama mereka utk ke SAIL dan naik kapal gratis, tapi karena aku lagi ga mut ya udah aku tinggal di kantor sendirian. Bayangin, mereka percaya sama aku yg baru mereka kenal blm sampe sebulan... Sampe terharu rek.

Abis ini mo balik tapinya, mo pulang dan makan. Masih bingung mo makan apa. Pingin banget ke Wagamama tapi lumayan jauh, biarpun udah naik sepeda juga. Terus sebenernya pingin ngelanjutin cerita Keracunan mossel deel 2, tapi udah nggak mood (benernya sih males nginget2 critanya itu gimana hehehehe)

Ngomong2... minggu depan hari selasa ini adalah sebuah milestone dari kehidupan orang banyak lho. Yang dimaksud orang banyak di sini adalah anak2 indo yg dulu pada dateng ke blanda dan masih ngancrit di sini. 5 tahun yg lalu, kita dateng ke tanah ini dng muka masih clondo2 yg sekarang sayangnya sudah berubah menjadi muka porno2.. Masih inget nggak rek, group pertama yg dipandu sama mas arief datengnya tgl 21 agustus 2000 dan group ke dua sama mbak afifa tgl 23 agustus... Geezz it seemed like yesterday we set out foot on Schiphol airport and waited for hours for Bettina to come. Hua kok jadi nostalgila gini yaggg
5 tahun yg lalu kita datang ke negara ini dng harapan dan impian yg berbeda-beda. 5 tahun kemudian, what have become of those dreams?
Ah sudahlah... Jadinya hari minggu besok ini kita2 pada mau selametan di sini. Pada mau masak nasi kuning nih arek2. Untuk kali ini aku ndak nyumbang makanan, cuman plastic cuttlery aja deh. Lha wong ndak ada waktu buat masak2. Jangankan masak, belanja pun aku tak ada waktu. Miris kok aku nek ngene iki rek.

Wes wes kok malah mengasihani diri sendiri. Aku tak pulang dah. Groetjes mijn schatjes hahahaha...

A selfish moment for myself

2005-08-09T00:43:00.000+02:00

Dont wanna be too self absorbed but cant help it
Just had a disturbing premonition bout myself
Envy the people who knows what they want
And can do it freely
Dont wanna be an old grumpy lady
Sorry bout herself for not doing and not knowing what she wants

Had spent 4 years for a degree
Liked it, but thats not my passion
Then what is my life about?

Like book, but what can I make of it?
Like musics but cant play or sing
Like biology, but then?
Like helping people, so what?
Like so many things, but that wont help me get through my life
Havent found the one thing that I really wanna do

Jeezz.. can anyone help me? I mean REALLY help me?
Wanna keep my options open but till when?

My heart says,
Wanna travel and learn languages and new things
Live my life, live freely as a bird
No money in pockets, just travel and work
Dont worry bout the following days

My mind says,
Go study, go find a decent job
Go find a husband, fulfill your responsibility
To your parents and to yourself
Work hard, get rich, die in peace

I dont think anyone really gets me, not even I myself
Often ask God if (S)He would help me
Now I wonder if I've been given hints
But afraid I act as blindly as cocks would act after the sun sets

My mood and thoughts are changing so quickly
One after the other
Like clouds in the evening sky blown by the strong hard cold autumn wind

Is this just a problem that every 20something gets?
Or would this be a livelong dilemma that will haunt me down forever?
Strangers, friends, or anyone, could you tell me or share what you think bout this?

Keracunan mossel

2005-08-08T13:47:00.000+02:00

Hampir kok, nggak keracunan beneran. Keracunan mossel cuma ada di imajinasi saya aja. Hihihihihi..
Ah leganya, setelah beberapa hari nggak pegang yg namanya keyboard dan mouse sambil memandangi layar monitor yg berkedip2, akhirnya hari ini saya balik ke dunia nyata.
Ya teman2, weekend kemarin saya habiskan bersenang2 di La Belgique, tepatnya di mana? Well silahkan tebak sendiri dari cerita saya.

Alkisahnya, suatu hari temen saya bernama Prasma ngasi ide utk jalan2 ke Belgie sambil sekalian nonton konser gratis sebuah group jazz yg pada waktu itu saya pikir lagunya enak2 tapi yah ngono2 wae lah. Nah akhirnya tiket sudah terbeli, kamar hotel sudah terbooking (reminder: yg bakalan mengendoni kamar adalah 4 student dari Indonesia yg pada nggak mau keluar uang banyak semua!!) dan pagi2 kita melangkahkan kaki ke arah halte metro.
Perjalanan dari Amsterdam ke Belgie selama kurang lebih 4 jam berlalu dng cepat, bahkan kita sempat berfoto2 ala foto kabin pesawat (Sayang, aku ga bisa uplot foto di sini). Sesampai di stasiun tujuan: ENG ING ENG Lha kok ngene? Stasiune elik tenan! Hmm, rasanya kok jadi skeptis ya. Piye nek misale gak ono seng iso didelok, lak nggambas rek... Omel-omelan dan komentar2 kita menggema di stasiun tua itu.
Tapi ya tetap bersemangat aja lah, pertama kita mampir ke kios di stasiun dan beli map2 utk jadi tour guide kita, sekalian Nat beli pemuas dahaganya, sebungkus pak putih dng tulisan Roken is dodelijk yang diterjemahkan dalam 3 bahasa :D

Menapakkan kaki satu demi satu, kita mendekati pintu keluar stasiun dan akhirnya disambut oleh sebuah plein besar, sebuah taman di kejauhan, dan hujan rintik2 di sore hari. Setelah berkonsultasi dng peta yg baru aja dibeli, kita menuju ke pusat kota. Dlm perjalanan menuju ke pusat kota, I can't help but noticing how ancient and medieval the town is, just the way I like it. Sayang kita nggak sempet berfoto2 ria. Di main street, ternyata jalan2nya telah dipenuhi turis yg membludak. Kebanyakan dari mereka adalah turis Belanda, Jerman, dan Inggris, serta bbrp muka Jepang, dan muka babu-babunya kita. Setelah tersesat2 bbrp saat kita akhirnya menemukan tempat menginap kita utk 2 hari kedepan dan ternyata oh ternyata tempat konser gratis itu ada tepat di depan hotel. Yippie.
But first thing first, makan dulu!!! Prasma langsung pesen mossel, Andi pesen waterzooi (makanan khas Belgie banget dan fyi, itu bukan water ditambahin rotzooi loh ya!), aku sama Nat pesen something fishy2 gitu. Mosselnya enak banget, dan waterzooi itu ternyata juga enak banget. Akhirnya aku bikin janji bahwa selama weekend itu, aku cuma mau makan seafood aja deh. Super enak!!!

Setelah makan2 dan minum2, mind you ini cuacanya sudah cuaca musim gugur banget, kita sempet jalan2 ke pusat kota liat2 gimana sih benernya kota ini. Fact is. kamu bisa ngelilingin kota ini cuma dalam 1/2 jam aja dari ujung ke ujung, dan semua bangunnannya di sini bagus2 banget dan memang sengaja dipelihara supaya keliatan seperti itu. Abis berbenah diri di hotel sambil nyante2 sebentar sambil ngabisin compliment dari hotel, kita semua menuju ke plein yg cuma seperlemparan batu dari kamar hotel kita itu tuh. Aku gak mau cerita banyak ttg konsernya soalnya pasti yg baca bakalan bete gara2 aku nulisnya pasti panjang banget :D . Yg pasti it was great, super great. Lagu2nya keren2 dan personeel bandnya keren2 juga, Keren luar dalam: kebanyakan dari mereka cum laude graduate dan super keren di penampilan. Tout bonnement irrésistible. Dan kita udah pada rencana utk ke Bordeaux spesial utk ngeliat mereka lagi ihihihihihi...
Abis nonton, masih sempet minum2 di cafe dan juga di bar hotel. Wes jan wiken full dng kenyamanan kok.

Ini ceritanya masih panjang, tapi saya butuh belanja dulu karena kulkas pada kosong melompong padahal perut krucuk2. Wait for the sequel yg bakalan berjudul: Keracunan mossel deel 2.

2005-07-27T23:26:00.000+02:00

Hari minggu kemarin penuh dng aktivitas yg ok dan sedikit yg tdk menyenangkan. Pagi2 bangun telat padahal mau nonton Charlie and the Chocolate Factory di Arena. Lumayan lho, cuma bayar 4,50 kalo filmnya sblm jam 12 main. Dan seperti dugaan, habis nonton itu film langsung craving for chocolate. Johnny Depp seperti biasa keren aktingnya, nggak complain deh. Nah, berhubung keluar dari Arena udah jam 1-an gitu dan kita pada kelaparan, akhirnya mutusin utk ke Albert Heijn di Museumplein buat belanja. Eeh, tengah2 jalan kok kepikiran utk ke Nieuwmarkt yah buat beli bakso. Impulsif banget nggak sih. Bukti2 keimpulsifan kita bisa ditelusuri lebih lanjut, sbb.: hampirr nyampe di Nieuwmarkt, kita mampir dulu ke Bakkers Winkel dan akhirnya bisa ditebak, makan scones dan quiche di sana. Gila winkelnya rame banget, orang2 pada ngantri untuk dapat tempat duduk. Tapi memang keliatannya super enak kok makanan2nya. Cuma sayang sconenya terlalu manis aja buat aku. Udah mutusin, lain kali kalo ke sana mo nyoba quiche aja.

Udah kenyang, perut gembul, kita jalan lagi mo ke Oriental sambil di tengah jalan mutusin mau masak apa. Pertamanya pingin masak nasi kuning, sampe kita otot-ototan itu nasi kuning pake daun salam ato daun jeruk?? Trus sms mama, lah kok malah nggak pake dedaunan apa2. Pusing deh. Akhirnya pilihan jatuh ke nasi liwet dan kroni2nya. Begonya udah nyampe di sana, nggak beli manisa buat sayur manisa.

Sampe di rumah, kita pada istirahat sebentar sblm acara masak2 dimulai. Aku nyampe di rumah nyalain kompi buat ngecek imel dari mama yg isinya resep nasi liwet. Tombol power udah di pressed, terus kok tumben ini kompi bootnya lama banget dan sambil sliwer sliwer kamar nungguin si dell booting. Kuliat si dell sekilas dan asli jantungku berhenti bekerja sedetik gitu saking kagetnya. Kompinya nggak mau diboot. HUAAA.. gimana nih.. padahal kompi juga minjem punya prasma.. Bayangan2 buruk udah melintas di kepala nih, gimana kalo hardware failure? gimana kalo documentku ilang semua? gimana kalo systemnya kudu diinstall ulang semua? Ellende2 yg kudapat dari computer yg pernah nangkring di kamarku langsung muncul kaya flashback (ini ceritanya panjang banget!! dan aku percaya kalo kamarku ini ada jinx nya, bikin-computer-rewel-jinx). Langsung telpon eerste hulp a.k.a. Prasma. Phew.. ternyata setelah dibuka2 dan disentuh2 sebentar sama prasma, dell nya jalan lagi.. Mencak2 deh aku, soalnya udah sempet stress ga ketulungan, bikin orang nggondok ae. Acara terkejut/buete lanjut trus sampe masak2. Untungnya masakannya jadi semua, kalo nggak bisa tambah buete deh.

Nasi liwetnya agak kebanyakan santan sih, tapi yah harap maklum masih beginners sih. Terus bikin ayam opor, telor areh, dan sama sayur boontje + tahu sutra... Suwer, tahu sutra itu uenak banget, kaya meleleh di mulut. Kalo misalnya yg masak dan yg menyajikan tuh Gary Rhodes, FO ku bisa berlipat2 tuh. Hmm..
Makan2nya makan di balkonnya Jaim, pake acara pasang lilin segala padahal di luar tuh lagi ujan rintik2. Kerasa adem2 piye gitu.. Jadi akhirnya hari minggu kemarin dihabiskan dng aktivitas yg lumayan berguna, nggak cuma nggambas di rumah aja; merenungi nasib kenapa kok hari esok adalah hari senin...

Want and should

2005-07-23T15:38:00.000+02:00

Things to do in as stated in my agenda, not necessarily in the order of importance:
1. Finish up HMM assignment
2. Getting started with GO assignment
3. Study for exam PS and BIDAT
4. Mansion project
5. GC project
And like that's not enough: working, working, and working.
Just found a job recently, not exactly what I want but it's worth a try.
Hmmph, you can't always get what you want rite...

Things that I want to do as stated in the back of my mind:
1. Go to Brugge and enjoy weekend off
2. Shopping: need new jacket, table, computer, furniture, neighbor, personality, employer
3. Cooking something new every other weekend.
4. Open my balcony door without smelling dog's pee
5. Get a baby Bengals tiger... uuu.. they're so cuuuteee

Anti-Spoiler Jinx

2005-07-18T15:05:00.000+02:00

About spoiler, saya punya love and hate relationship dng hal satu ini. Lagi pengen ngomong ttg spoiler karena wiken kemarin udah ngabisin baca my precious, HP and the HBP. Terus abis baca, iseng2 liat di internet commentnya orang2 ttg buku ini gimana. Lha eh, aku kaget banget... ternyata orang2 itu pada ngasih review dan juga ngasih spoiler. Gimana seeehhh... Jadinya mereka dng gampangnya ngomong siapa tuh yg mati, siapa ngelakuin apa, en gimana endingnya. Aku pikir ini nggak fair banget utk orang yg belum baca bukunya. It's a violation of human right!!
Mungkin aku terlalu exaggerating utk hal ini, tapi mungkin ada juga yg bakalan setuju sama aku. Karena pendapatku utk hal yg satu ini bener2 absolut, jangan pernah baca spoiler untuk sebuah buku. Kalo film, aku nggak seberapa masalah (kecuali kalo film yg bener2 bagus). Tapi buku beda banget sama film. Baca buku itu membutuhkan daya imajinasi dan konsentrasi yang kuat. And what's more important is to build the suspense and the sensation, and the plot in your mind. But when you already know the end of the book, the journey towards the end of the book would not be as good as it is. Jadinya aku buete banget sama orang2 kayak gitu, yang sama sekali nggak menghargai bagaimana susahnya seorang penulis mencoba utk mengilustrasikan kata demi kata utk mencapai the big bang.
Aduh susah banget ngomong pake bahasa indo.. Lanjut... So probably they don't realize what they did just ruined the other readers' happiness and satisfaction, and possibly the art work of an author. But I think I'll better make peace with it and try not to get too emotional bout it anyway. I know nobody else who has complained about spoiler of a book. Readers out there, you know what I feel rite??

About HBP, the opinions of the readers are split into good or bad. Lotsa people think that 2 years waiting of the book is not worth it. I, on the other hand, think that this book absolutely worth it. Although missing some thriller and action as in OotP or GoF, JKR absolutely reached a new different level with HBP. The maturity, the plot, and the combination of the darker and the lighter side of the book totally amazed me. She brings HP to a different level. The emotion HBP brings for me, I've never felt it before with the previous 5 books. I know that this book would just be an opening for the last and the grand finale, which I'm absolutely sure that JKR would be able to do as successfully as she did for HBP. While I'm writing this, I couldn't help but begin my obsession again for the last book. Ah, I guess I just have to enjoy the waiting time, and then let JK to amaze me again with the final one.

Somehow I feel quite sad that HP's adventure would be over soon, I guess in another 2 years (finger crossed). I feel like I know his character through and through and by finishing his last adventure, I feel like I'm going to say goodbye to him, forever. For sure, I'm gonna miss him. But I think he deserves a rest. And JKR too, after a second thought :P But for now, I'll let my crossed eyes rest, preparing for the next 12 hours nonstop reading.

Euphoria

2005-07-15T01:59:00.000+02:00

Yeah peeps.. I got an euphoria tonite!!!! My heart beats so fast, feels excited as if I had just 6 cups of coffee. My head feels light, fulls with figures and tales. Oooh I wish I can sleep through the night, not thinking about what gonna happen tomoro. I remember when I was a child I got the same feeling when we were gonna go to Bali for vacation. We were supposed to get up at 3 at night so we can start the journey at 4.. in the morning yeah.. But I remember I couldn't sleep a wink that night, lying on the bed, restless and felt so excited. The same way I feel now..
It's just becoz of this one particular book I'm crazy about which gonna be launched tomorrow nite at 1 am GMT+1.. YES YES YES.. the waiting is (almost) over, 1 nite to go, and you'll be in my hand MY PRECIOUS.. Oh, how l long for this day to come...

2005-07-13T15:34:00.000+02:00

Aaarrgghhh.. frustrasi!! pengen upload foto ga bisa2.. gimana sih blogger iniiiii
*jambak-jambak rambut*

Bomb and Harry Potter

2005-07-10T01:34:00.000+02:00

News were over-exploded with the bombing in London and another bomb threat in Birmingham today. Saw the news the other day and I literally shivered. The thought of some cold blooded, probably insane human being, that could do this thing to another living creature, somehow I still cannot believe it. People are almost certain that the Islamic terrorists were behind this terrible deed. And that makes me think, why people do such things for the reason of religion, any kind of religion? Don't they realize that what they did just worstened the situation for another people practising the same religion?? And I'm not only talking about Islam here, but also about Christian, Jews, or whatever it is.
Although I'm not practising any religion but living in a western community that somehow kinda think negatively over a certain beliefs, I really hope for all the people out there to keep the faith and just be tolerant to each other. And especially for those crazy people, isn't that what they are being taught so far?? Be kind to your fellow human being, don't kill, don't steal, etc, etc, .... I really think those morons should look at their books once more and try to find what God really wants instead of just interpreting what God's will are and then suit or fit it for their own bestwill.

Phew... I really want to take my mind off this problem for a while and remember just now that the sixth Harry Potter book will come out next week at 00.00 16 July 2005. So by this time next week I would be sitting on my couch reading the book from cover to cover and won't rest till it's over and find out who dies at this book. Hwahahahhahahaha... suddenly feel a bit elevated. Pity is that I can't come to the launching party since I got to work. Damn.......

If only the good people possess such magical power as Harry, I bet there will be less chaos in this world... I miss my childhood, where I can spend hours busy with my imagination. Just lying in a dark room and accompanied by a torch, everything was possible back then. The world where I had no conscience about terrorist, or money, or hatred, or stress, or George Bush, and another crappy things. But yeah everything comes with a price. Udah ah, jadi pingin pulang ke mama kalo inget masalah kaya gini.

i: Plis plis God, kasi saya duit biar bisa pulang ke indo sebentar aja buat recharge kestabilan emosi saya.
G: Hmm, boleh deh nanti saya transfer ya. Tapi ini cuma karena saya lagi menang taruhan lawan Devil.
i: Taruhan apa God? Emangnya God boleh juga taruhan yah?
G: Itu tuh, saya menang taruhan kalo London bakal jadi tempat Olimpiade tahun 2012. Si Devil, dia kan kroninya Chirac.. Eeh, kalah taruhan dia enaknya nge bomb London. Dasar nggak sportif. Ntar deh, saya mau balas dia. Tapi jangan bilang siapa2 yah. Rahasia gede nih. Kalo ketauan sama si Bush bisa gawat, CIA kan markas terselubungnya Devil.
i: Wah, iya deh. Tapi janji ya duitnya ditransfer cepet. Hmm, ternyata God suka taruhan juga ya... Merubah perspektif nih.
G: Lha ya itu, imej kamu ttg saya itu salah kaprah. Saya juga God biasa loh, bukan God super. Saya masih berguru tuh sama dia.
i: ok deh God, kalo dah lulus bikin party gede yah.
G: Jangan khawatir deh. Ntar kalo saya lulus, poverty di Afrika saya ilangin dan kamu saya traktir nonton North Sea.

Wajah baru, semangat baru

2005-07-06T16:33:00.000+02:00

Iseng-iseng ganti wajah blog.
Lagi pingin mengubah suasana hati yang gelap supaya jadi agak terang.
Udah hampir 6 bulan lho blog ini berdiri jadi waktu utk sedikit makeover

you try, you fail
you try, you fail
but the biggest failure is when you stop trying

The exact words that I need
I hope I will find new hopes and spirits, not only today but everyday for the rest of my lifes.
It's from someone I cannot mention here, but for sure have a special place in my heart already.

2005-07-06T00:31:00.000+02:00

Ada undangan untuk Phd graduationnya orang di faculteitku.
Keliatannya temenku ada satu yang mau pergi, tapi kok perasaan nggak pd ya utk dateng ke sana.
Soalnya denger2 kalo ke defense phd gitu yang bener2 dicelebrate gitu dan pakaiannya kudu yg formal abis. hmm.... ga punya dress yg tepat deh, lagian itu pagi hari gitu loh, masa pakai dress?? Ada yg punya saran?
Trus satu lagi, nggak punya date masa pergi ke sana sendirian? kan nggak lucu banget...... Tapi pengen pergi banget, abisnya mungkin ini bakalan jadi phd defence ku yg pertama dan terakhir.. Atau mungkinkah suatu hari aku yg harus defence di depan orang2 banyak? Hehehehe

Tetangga idioot

2005-07-04T13:29:00.000+02:00

Phew.. akhir-akhir ini semua temen2 termasuk saya lagi punya masalah sama tetangganya.
Without mentioning names, ada yang punya tetangga pyromaniacs yg suka bakar2 barang tanpa maksud.
Terus ada juga yang punya tetangga psycho yang suka staring and (possibly) stalking.. hiii.. takuuutt..
Nah, ada juga yang always doomed untuk punya tetangga yang suka ber-naked ria, dan nggak hanya itu saja si tetangga juga suka pake barang2 punya orang lain..
Wes..wes.. aneh-aneh tho..

Lha kalo tetanggaku.... ceritane panjang nih. Mulai dari awal saja.
Dulu saya ada tetangga yg namanya S, dia cowok dari Den Helder sana dan gay (bukan berarti saya homophobic lho!! in contrary ^_^ Cuma pingin ngasih gambaran detail aja) Si S ini orangnya separuh2 gitu, separuh associaal dan separuh nggak. Associaal karena dia suka puter music banter2 nggak kenal waktu, juga suka klussen nggak kenal waktu, lha mosok jam 12 malem sek ngebor2. Terus waktu dia ada di sini makanan di koelkast juga sering ilang dan lucunya waktu dia udah pergi, kuantitas barang yg ilang berkurang banget. Tapi untungnya dia orangnya lumayan ramah dan suka ngoceh dan suka ngasih2 pujian gitu. So mungkin tetangga2 lainnya gak seberapa bt ke dia. Untunglah si S ini sudah pindah.

Trus saya punya tetangga baru namanya R, dari mana nggak begitu jelas tapi keliatanne teko ndeso ngono lah (bukan Randstad gitu). Si R ini sukanya bikin BT orang gara2 suka ngoceh ndak karuan, sukanya blabbering ttg how great and how good she is. Dan nggak gitu aja, sukanya juga nyuruh2 orang. Padahal saya paling anti sama orang yg suka bersombong2 ria ttg achievments ato good deeds yang pernah dia lakukan.. So, talk to the hand darling.

Nah, last but not least..OOHH not least at all trust me. Seperti biasa, penutupan cerita kan selalu yg paling dramatis. Nah ini dia.. Tetangga pas di atas kamarku, yang notabene balkonnya dia pas di atas balkonku. Untuk menghindari aku terlalu emozieeee ngomong ttg what he did, ta' kasih list aja yah.
1. Party sampe jam 4 pagi padahal itu weekdays, hari rabu kalo nggak salah dan itu waktu tentamen periode.. Apa kamu nggak buete kalo digituin?
2. Ngebor jam 3 pagi. Aku sampe bangun terkaget2 gitu. Mikir suara apa ya tadi? Ndak taunya suara bor. Hmm, aku udah bt gitu, Tak bel kamarnya tapi dia nggak mau bukain. Dasar!! Paling dia takut buka pintu terus di uitschelden sama orang sekampung kali ya.
3. Hampir setiap hari sekitar jam 12 sampe jam 1 malem gitu, dia pulang rumah dan langsung pasang music jedung jedung yg bikin orang sakit gigi.
4. Tetanggaku ini rasanya samenwonen sama ceweknya. Dan mereka suka banget bertengkar sampe aku bisa denger kalo si cowoknya marah2 dan pukul2 barang gitu.
5. Mereka punya anjing yang ditaruh di balkon. Jadi anjingnya tidur dan makan di balkon dan yg pasti juga peeing dan poeing di balkon gitu. Nah ok, aku nggak keberatan gitu mereka punya anjing. Up until one day. Si kl***zak yg punya anjing itu bersih2 balkonnya dan dengan nyantainya balkonnya disiram air trus trus semua kotoran itu dibuang ke bawah!!!! yang artinya itu dibuang ke balkonku. Kurang ajar banget nggak sih. Pertama kali dia ngelakuin itu aku pas ada lecture dan pas aku pulang balkon dan kamarku bau pee anjing. Baunya itu yg nggilani gitu.
Pas ke 2 kalinya tetangga itu bersih2 lagi, aku pas ada di rumah dan aku bengok-bengok utk buat dia stoppen. Eeeh kurang ajar banget ini orang, dia pura2 nggak denger dan musicnya dikerasin. Aku jan muntab setengah mati. Tak datengin dia ke kamarnya. Nggak mau bukain kan, terus tak bel tetangganya dia dan tak ketok2 tok tok tok di kamarnya. Dasar pengecut, lafaard, coward!!! Tetep dia nggak mau bukain. Sampe aku akhirnya telpon ke noodzakelijk sociaal klachtennya Intermezzo. Dan sama orang dari intermezzo dia bilang kalo mau ditackle ini probleemnya.
And after that, aku mikir mungkin dia kapok ya soalnya ada gitu 1 minggu dia nggak ngapa2in.. Aku salah besar. Minggu lalu dng enaknya dia 2 kali buang2 sampah lagi. Akhirnya aku foto itu balkonku buat bukti kalo nanti aku bikin klachten ke intermezzo personally.

Pusing kan punya tetangga aneh dan gendeng kaya gini. Makanya aku punya urge yang gede banget utk pindah, padahal selama ini aku cinta banget tempat aku tinggal ini. Yah aku harus sabar ini, ngadepi tonggo idioot lan aso koyo mereka2 ini.

2005-06-18T23:58:00.000+02:00

Today I've been blessed, for friends, family, and most of all for believing that there is still goodness in people.
Tadi pagi bangun tidur, aku bangun kesiangan jam 11 gitu, langsung deh masuk dapur. Soalnya harus masak buat nanti potluck di tempatnya Sandra. Tanpa sikat gigi masih pake pyjama trademarkku, terus cuci2 dishes dulu biar lega. Terus mulai deh masak, maunya bikin pizza2an tapi basenya dari roti Turki, Turkse brood. Males kali harus bikin dari awal semua. Jadinya cuma bikin saos buat pizza dan sayur2an buat nanti belegnya. Terus agak siangan dikit si Jaim dateng nganterin parfeit yg dia bikin buat potluck nanti krn dia sendiri nggak bisa dateng, dus cuma titip makanan aja. Ahh, sipp deh dessert dari Jaim ini, tak pernah mengecewakan. Trus dia kasih saran mending pizzanya nggak usah pake sayuran krn banyak org yg datang nanti keliatannya carnivore semua. Hehehe.. saran bagus, dus pizzanya alhasil cuma pake saos + mozzarella + daun basilnya si Sandra. Tapi menurutku enak kok pizzanya.

En dan siap2 mau berangkat gitu, trus ditelpon Nat buat bantuin dia bikin chicken wrap. Wah chef depot mbak Yayuk juga sukses bikin chickennya, yummm enak, terus salsanya apalagi. Spesial loh pake paprika yg dikuliti plus cumin, nggak nyesel deh pokoknya bantuin.

Di tempatnya Sandra, dapur sudah penuh dng ibu2 PKK sibuk masak. Ada Prasma, Nina, Baby, dan tentu aja Sandra. Dapurnya Sandra yg mungil jadi penuh sesak. Wah sibuk deh, mereka pada bikin snack2 gitu dari crackers dan salade, terus ada juga celana jeans-sosis-bladerdeeg. Numpuk jadi satu deh semuanya. Dan ternyata satu2nya cowok di situ selain David cuma ada temennya Sandra namanya Alvin. Kasian deh, apalagi dia nggak begitu paham bahasa jawa sementara kita cewek2 pada histeris gitu ngomong pating celontengan boso jowoan. Dan later on the evening, jumlah ceweknya nambah 1 krn ada Shinta dateng. Wah, si Alvin kesenengan tuh, kan Shinta pernah tinggal di Manado dan Alvin juga. Jadi paling nggak dia kerasa ada yg bakalan nyambung diajak ngomong. Hehehehe.. tapi dia cool2 aja kok, dan setelah 3 jam dilatih intensif beraksoro jowo, medok jowone dee yo metu.

Akhirnya kita makan jam 6 sore, wah kaya party beneran dan bener2 decent gitu. Decent dalam arti ada cuttlery lengkap; sendok, garpu, dan pisau; juga ada meja dan kursi di mana kita bisa duduk dng tenang; maklum biasane aku duduk ndeprok di lantai kalo lagi makan, hehehe. Wah menunya bener2 banyak dan bervariasi. Mulai dari salad dan macaroni schotelnya Sandra, terus pasta saladanya David, chicken wrap dan salsanya Nat dan terus ada pizzaku. Wih, makannya seru deh. Tapi jangan salah, ini dessert masih belum disebutin. Utk dessert aku bikin punch dari fruit cocktail sama pudding dan fizzy drinks, terus masih ada bladerdeeg dan fruit nya Nina, and last but not least ada parfeitnya si Jaim.

Kenyang abis makan2, mulai deh acara nonton film dan yg kepilih adalah film indo judulnya Pelangi di atas prahara, atau semacam itu lah. Wes ndak mutu deh. I really have a hard time to appreciate indonesian film. Tapi tak pikir ya maklum aja lah, lha wong ini adalah project dari university students di Australia sono.

Pokoknya, potluck pertama kita sukses besar deh. Dan si prasma maunya ngadain potluck ben minggu. Walah lak yo pasti bangkrut ples program diet pasti gagal total besar. Sebulan sekali cukup lah. Ok, aku pulang ke rumah dng happy. Perut kenyang dan kejang gara2 seharian ketawa cekakakan, untung lho tetangganya Sandra pada keluar rumah kalo nggak pasti mereka pada sakit jantung, lha wong mereka sudah opa2 dan oma2 semua.

Pulang ke kamar, check imel, kalo2 ada imel dari mama. Dan iya seperti biasa cerita ttg papaku yg pulangnya dari jawa tengah telat terus ttg adekku juga yg baru pindah jurusan. Terus mamaku cerita ttg montir kenalan baiknya kita dari Indonet di malang yg bayarin tagihan internet rumahku utk bln kemarin. Dia tahu ttg keadaan kita yg unfortunately not so well at this moment. Dan yg bikin aku trenyuh itu adalah keadaan dia sendiri yang jauh dari well established tapi masih mau dan rela membantu orang lain.

Suddenly my heart was filled with warmth and love. I, who is so cynical and dark about people and life, who has been hurt by people, whose heart has been stained, lost words. I thank God for this and ask forgiveness for the things that have been in my mind for some times, uptill now.
Sometimes I might get a little too phylosophical, but it's the moment like this I think I should be thankful to God or whatever you may call it, for all things surrounding me. I had lost faith and now I'm trying not to.

gone

2005-06-13T15:29:00.000+02:00

I am sick.
I am sick inside.
I am tired.
Want some time off.
Want my mommy.
Want to be home where everything seem to be safe.
I need to find who I am.
I need a peaceful mind, away from this world.
I need someone higher and wiser to answer all my questions.
Away from this world..

1.44 am

2005-06-06T00:15:00.000+02:00

Aku baru aja surfing di FS, yah biasalah lagi bosen dan cari2 kegiatan yg gak butuh aktifitas otak, padahal otak juga udah gak dipake seharian.
Di FS seru abis, surfing2 liat foto2 dan profile2 dari temen2 waktu SMA dulu. Kalo mau jujur, nggak semuanya juga temen aku. Paling kita kenal2 aja dari say hi ato ngapain gitu. Kebanyakan aku tau muka aja, tapi nggak pernah bener2 kenal. Lha mosok harus kenal semuanya, satu angkatan ada 550 orang. Apalagi aku bukan orang SKSD Palapa gitu. Jadi ya cuma tau2an aja gitu lah, tanpa bener2 kenal.

Menarik lho kalo ngeliat gimana update dari mereka2 itu. Sedikit banget yang nggak berubah, semuanya pada punya perubahan yg kadang2 drastis banget sampe ya gitu2 aja. Ada yg udah married beranak 2, ada yg jadi kaya semacam transvestite gitu.. eit jangan kaget dulu, ini cuma di permukaaan aja, alias di foto. Nah nyambung ke masalah foto. Ini dia masalahnya. Foto2 yg dipajang di FS kalo aku liat itu foto2 yg menipu semua. Menipu dlm arti, si korban ato artist-lookalike-wannabe itu yg kalo aslinya nggak sbrp cakep dipermak abis2an sampe jadi keliatan kaya mummy semua. Yang aslinya udah cakep jadinya malah jadi keliatan kaya Courtney Love pake make up pating celontengan lagi mabuk. Hehehe.. kasar banget ya.

Aku nggak ada masalah sih dng kebutuhan orang yg pingin tampil attractive di depan orang lain. Tapi yg aku nggak suka tuh, ke-commercial-an dari trend ini dan akibatnya gitu lho terhadap persepsi orang terhadap apa yg dianggap cantik ato ngganteng ato menarik. Lha apa sehari2nya orang2 itu pada dituntut utk keliatan kaya fotomodel siap dijepret setiap saat gitu?

Hal2 yg rada2 oppervlakkig kaya gitu lho yg bikin aku bisa mikir, nganalisa, dan ngomel seharian. Kenapa kita nggak bisa menerima diri kita apa adanya?

Lanjut... kan tadi malem di Ned1 ada Nationale Karaktertest. Nah aku cuma sempat ngikutin sebentar abisnya mending nonton Joan of Arcadia. Dan barusan aja aku masuk ke websitenya utk check out personality apa yg cocok ke aku. Ini nih hasilnya:

Romanticus: 7
Loyalist: 6
Helper :6
Perfectionist: 6
Bemiddelaar: 5
Waarnemer: 4
Levensgenieter: 3
Baas: 1
Performer: 1

Romanticus: de artiest, de individualist, de idealist

Jouw basismotivatie is het hervinden van wat je verloren lijkt te zijn. Ook jij bent uniek! Je aandacht gaat uit naar wat ontbreekt. Je hebt de neiging om meer te waarderen wat er niet is dan wat er wel is. Je bent een gevoelsmens en kan dit heel goed uiten. Maar je kan het ook heel diep in jezelf voelen. Je bent altijd op zoek naar een diepe emotionele binding en authenticiteit in relaties. Je bent een idealist en wordt aangetrokken door het onbereikbare. Je voelt je anders dan anderen. Je bent empathisch en dan vooral als mensen het moeilijk hebben. Je wilt zelf niet even snel van je moeilijkheden worden geholpen, maar je wilt de pijn ervaren. Je bent creatief, artistiek en zwaar romantisch. Ontwikkel jezelf door het gewone te accepteren. Vind vervulling in het hier en nu.

Ya.. ya... nggak usah pake test pun, aku tau kalo aku bukan tipe Baas. Tapi hasilnya kinda bener kok. Lumayan nggak perlu ke spesialis buat tanya2 hal kaya gini. Gratis lho, coba deh di: http://enneagram.kro.nl/
Tentang hasil, boleh percaya boleh nggak, tergantung kan dari tiap individu.

wat een dag...

2005-05-25T23:52:00.000+02:00

Weet je wat mensen...
The weather was so good today, warm but not too, sunny but not too, bit cloudy but not too..
On the occasion of VU lustrum 125 year, they celebrate it by having a parade at the binnenterrein. It started around 4 till 10.30 I guess.
The opening act by the Sheer was awesome. The Sheer, it's a Dutch band but thank God not Direct-y if you know what I mean... Gelukkig man!!
They did rock and we rocked as well, at least the first 3 rows and the rest of the audience just stood there as if their feet got nailed to the pavement... Jeetje mina, die Nederlanders begrijpen gewoon niet wat lol betekent...
But hey, Nat and I had a good time. That's the only thing that count. It felt so good after dancing and jumping like crazy. It's exactly what I needed and still want some more.
You know, jumping with your hand in the air, screaming as if everybody is deaf, making some crazy movement... Man, I think I'm addicted to concert, especially the free ones. hahaha..
Following that, the others went to see Gegen die Wand, a German-Turkish movie. I wasn't in the mood for movie so I just stayed outside and saw the VU koor performed.
Was quite nice, performing some songs from Cats, Jesus Christ Superstar, and my fave Les Miserables. Geez, I really want to see the original musical. Saw a part of it in TV some time ago en was meteen verliefd. Apa sih istilahnya.. oya hoteldebotel... hahahaha...
So far so good for me.. and to make the story short, we actually went to see the final act of the day from a Dutch band called Rowwen Heze.
I was all excited coz the recentie about them was quite nice, so it's not my fault rite if I expect sth good from them after all those great performances.
So there we were, Nins Pras and I, rite in front of the podium, looking quite excited at hearing the start of the guitar which sounds really promising.
And after a few beats.. jreng jreng jreng.. the white screen opened and WTF they started playing some country-sounded music, which is ok at the 1st place.
BUTTTTT. it went to the wrong direction... the music suddenly sounded so..... I don't know what the exact word for this, I'll try anyway..
It sounded so BOEREN and DUTCH and LIMBURG and .... jesus christ.. suddenly I felt so dumb and deep inside me, my musical appreciation is hurt and somehow I felt humiliated and degraded..
I know.. I know... as usual I exaggerated.. but that was basically really the feeling that I got. You'll know what I mean if you hear it yourself.. Check their website, probably they have some free tracks to download http://www.rowwenheze.nl/ (sorry dont wanna check it out myself, I'm still recovering from the shock)
Anyway, trying to be positive and lying to myself by keep saying 'Ina, come on, this is the chance to broaden your horizon and really get to know the Dutch culture', I stayed there with Nins.
How bout Pras? hahahaha.. she ran away which I think was a wise decision of hers.
Maar toch, hoe positief ik probeer te blijven... de music is gewoon niet voor mijn oren ( en niet voor de gezondheid)!!!!!!!!!

So peeps... I think I won't go to another Limburgse band concert, at least not in a near future.
The thing that really annoys me is why the Limburgse band?????? We are not somewhere in Limburg for GOD sake.. we're in Amsterdam.. so why not hiring Acda & de Munnik which is much much much much much much much much much better and more civilized and not BOEREN at all.... GEEZZZ..

Phew.. I think I got too emotional now. Anyway, after all it was a great day and can't wait for tomorrow's and Friday's concerts... Intwine and Tasha's world man!!!! Hopefully there won't be any "bad radiation" from any bad bands

panas...sumuk... pengap...gerah... jadi pengen marah + pms

2005-05-23T16:22:00.000+02:00

lagi2 pms.. lagi2 pms..
aku ndak ngerti knp pms bisa bawa emosi yg beda2 terus saben bulannya..
kadang2 dia bikin semangat dan full energy
kadang2 dia bikin positive thinking
kadang2 dia bikin ceria dan dunia serasa indah
tapi kebanyakan dia bikin aku bt setengah idup (berusaha positive thinking, jadi nggak pake kata2 mati ato kosong ato apapun itu)

udah dari lama aku nyoba ngedeteksi siklus hormon yg dibawa tiap bulan ini. dan hasilnya: NUL besar..
karena memang nggak ada siklusnya. pas bulan ini aku pikir mungkin dia bawa good mood, eh malah bikin aku jadi ndak semangat + pengen marah terus bawaannya.

ya mungkin karena penelitianku cuma asal2an aja, jadinya juga hasilnya ngga akurat banget.
pikirku sih, hormon yg dihasilkan sama si pms ini tergantung dari banyak aspek. misalnya asupan nutrisi dan gizi, terus kegiatan sehari2 dari yg bersangkutan, keadaan mental juga ngaruh banget, dan juga keadaan fisik. yang sudah aku buktiin sendiri memang, kalo pas lagi mood utk makan sehat, dlm arti ngga makan processed food dan semua kroni2nya. makan teratur dng sayur dan buah membantu banget dlm mengatasi ato menghindari ke-bt-an dlm pms. terus banyak minum air putih juga.

aah... percuma deh ngomong gituan. ini lagi sakit kepala terus perut juga bloating, sakit punggung juga. aah kasihanilah para kaum hawa yg tiap bulan harus menanggung derita seperti ini. ato mestinya kaum adam ya yg harus dikasihani? karena tiap bulan mereka yg dimarah-marahin, diomel-omelin tanpa bisa ngomong apa2, just for the reason of pms. hehehehe....

Solving mysteries with sciences

2005-05-17T21:42:00.000+02:00

When you turn on your television every other night, you'll notice the evidence of the usage of science to solve mysteries, like in a forensic crime dramas to real life crimes on the news. The use of DNA fingerprinting has become a boom since the 90's I suppose. Suddenly the police, forensic team, or whatever people involve in solving the crime try to find an evidence by looking at the hair comb, or a string of hair in the drain, and maybe a spit or a drop of blod.
Forget Hercule Poirot and "his little grey cell", they won't survive in this tough modern crime world. --Mind you, deep in my heart I'm still a big fans of him. Not so much of Ms. Marple though--

A “DNA fingerprint” is kind of like a regular fingerprint. You are born with it, it is unique to you (unless you have an identical twin!), and you can leave it behind wherever you go. But unlike a fingerprint from your hand, your DNA fingerprint can’t be found by just “dusting for prints” like they do on detective shows. To find a DNA fingerprint, a scientist has to first take the DNA out of the nucleus of a cell.

The cell that is used to get a DNA fingerprint can be a skin cell, a hair root cell, or even a cheek cell that gets washed out of your mouth in your spit. This is because your unique DNA is the same in all of your cells. So what do they do once they take the DNA out of the cell?
Well, the goal is to analyze the DNA in a way that shows scientists the tiny differences in the DNA of different people.

In the past, scientists used a technique called RFLP (Restriction Fragment Length Polymorphism) which needs lots of DNA, but sometimes only a little is left behind at a crime scene. That's not really handy I guess. So scientists found a way to use less DNA. They worked out a method called microsatellite analysis, Google it if you want to.

But scientists want to find ways to use even less DNA. They also want to find a way to speed up the process. On TV the investigators get the DNA answers by the end of the show, but in real life there are so many samples waiting to be tested that labs can’t handle them all. So CSI and all those fancy stuffs are kinda too good to be true, and some of which are really impossible to do in such a short time.

In the future there will be something called “lab-on-a-chip.” It will be a credit card sized machine that you could load a tiny sample into on the spot – you wouldn’t have to wait until you got back to the lab. Lab-on-a-chip would use tiny tubes and pumps to perform all the steps normally done by hand by scientists. It would take the DNA out of a sample, make lots of copies of the DNA, and analyze the fingerprint. It would do all this at a fraction of the cost and in a fraction of the time that current methods use.

Here are some evidence that DNA fingerprinting really works in real life problems in the articles I just read:

What do the 2004 tsunami in Southeast Asia, African-American history, and the 9/11 tragedy all have in common? Yep, DNA.

Baby 81. DNA saved the day when it helped bring parents and a lost child together after the tsunami hit Sri Lanka on the day after Christmas 2004.
Lots of people were separated from their families. In particular, a lot of children were separated from their parents. One child was called “Baby 81” when he was admitted to the hospital.

As you can imagine, many parents who lost children in the tsunami hoped that Baby 81 might be theirs. The hospital didn’t want to give the child away to the wrong family, so a judge ordered DNA testing to prove who the parents really were.

Everything turned out in the end for one family when the DNA fingerprinting tests came back and they were able to reclaim their son.

Ecuador, New Hampshire, and African-American Heritage. We all want to know where we come from. Many African-Americans have trouble figuring it out because their ancestors were slaves and there are not very good records of their lives. Several scientists are trying to use DNA fingerprinting to identify which regions in Africa slaves came from so that modern day people can trace their family history.

Scientists sometimes have trouble collecting DNA samples in Africa for comparison to samples taken here. This means that the scientists have to look for other ways to trace the trail of history left by DNA.

A random email from one scientist to another has connected the search for African roots in two very different places. One scientist was trying to identify the remains of slaves buried in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. The other scientist was interested in the black people of Ecuador.

These two scientists shared information and found that there were similarities between modern day blacks in Ecuador and the slave remains in New Hampshire. The scientists now plan to take more DNA samples in Ecuador.

They will use these to build a database of DNA fingerprints. They can then combine this database with records from the American slave trade and build a better picture of the African-American history, helping more people know about their roots.

9/11 and the World Trade Center. When the airplanes hit the World Trade Center in New York on September 11, 2001, nearly 3000 people were killed. The impact of the planes and the fires that started made it impossible to identify many of the victims.

In order to give closure to the families of the people who died, the medical examiner’s office in New York has been working on identifying every remain found using DNA. Even reclaiming a little bit of their loved one has been important to some families.

People turned in toothbrushes and hair brushes and anything else that might have traces of their loved one’s DNA on it. The medical examiner’s office then tried to match the DNA in the remains to these samples.

Unfortunately, they had to stop the DNA identifications in February 2005—researchers had reached the limits of DNA fingerprinting technology. There are still samples that contain tiny bits of DNA, but they will have to wait until methods like the lab-on-a-chip that needs less sample become available. When that happens they will be able to begin their work again to bring more closure to the families of those that were lost.

----So.. intrigued??----

O blessed and happy spirit whence comest thou?

2005-05-09T00:49:00.000+02:00

Envy must be represented with a contemptuous motion of the hand
towards heaven, because if she could she would use her strength
against God; make her with her face covered by a mask of fair
seeming; show her as wounded in the eye by a palm branch and by an
olive-branch, and wounded in the ear by laurel and myrtle, to
signify that victory and truth are odious to her.
Many thunderbolts should proceed from her to signify her evil speaking.
Let her be lean and haggard because she is in perpetual torment.
Make her heart gnawed by a swelling serpent, and make her with a quiver with
tongues serving as arrows, because she often offends with it. Give
her a leopard's skin, because this creature kills the lion out of
envy and by deceit. Give her too a vase in her hand full of flowers
and scorpions and toads and other venomous creatures; make her ride
upon death, because Envy, never dying, never tires of ruling. Make
her bridle, and load her with divers kinds of arms because all her
weapons are deadly.

Toleration.

Intolerable.

No sooner is Virtue born than Envy comes into the world to attack
it; and sooner will there be a body without a shadow than Virtue
without Envy.

O blessed and happy spirit whence comest thou? Well have I known
this man, much against my will. This one is a receptacle of
villainy; he is a perfect heap of the utmost ingratitude combined
with every vice. But of what use is it to fatigue myself with vain
words? Nothing is to be found in them but every form of sin ... And
if there should be found among them any that possesses any good,
they will not be treated differently to myself by other men; and in
fine, I come to the conclusion that it is bad if they are hostile,
and worse if they are friendly.

The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci

i told you so

2005-05-03T05:12:00.000+02:00

Hah.. it's so freakingly true about what I said earlier
I am cursing myself at this moment while trying to keep my bloodshot eyes open
I hate to be right...
And yet still got the time to reveal how right I am
It's 5 am now and probably hv to be working through this bloody assignment till 8 or 9
and then get some sleep before going to the lectures....Bugger
The lecturer is not my fave one too...

Btw, can't help myself not to write this down
In an article I just read, it’s mentioned that receiving email may reduce your IQ.
The reduction is quite significant, around 10 points, which is equal to the reduction you’ll get without sleeping the whole night.
So, what’s wrong about receiving email? Apparently it’s not the email itself but the alerts you receive every now and then that make you tired and loose concentrations. According to the article, it somewhat exhausts our brain and unfortunately makes us stupider.
I haven’t slept a wink tonight and believe me or not, I do feel quite dumb at this moment. Hopefully the boost from my coffee starts its effect soon

Background song: John Mayer - Your body is a wonderland..
hehe jadi inget, dulu pernah dng pd-nya bilang judulnya lagu ini "your body is a temple"
tapi bener kan... your body is your temple????

It’s all in the DNA

2005-05-03T01:34:00.000+02:00

Are you aware about the Human Genome project?
The Human Genome project is a project that was sponsored by various countries in the world like US, UK, Japan, Germany, etc. The nature of the project was to figure out the genomes of the Homo sapiens, us thus. The project started somewhere in the 1990 and finished around 2003.

The researchers’ hard work finally paid out with the finding of the approximately 3 billion genes in the human being, which are almost 3 billion base pairs of DNA. The quite shocking fact that comes out, at least for me, is that only about 20-30.000 of the DNA are really containing the information about us, the information that built us as we are today. Isn’t it amazing??
The DNA is a genetic blueprint that ensures continuity of life from our ancestor to the offspring. So if you have small eyes or too large a nose that you probably hate, don’t blame yourself. Blame it all in your ancestors that almost certainly have the genes that carry those characteristics in their DNA……

Well, although the project has finished and gave us the result that might change our future forever, the result still need to be processed and there are lots follow up project that concentrate on how to use these valuable information to make our life better. Yes, hopefully one day they will know how to eliminate or to switch off genes that make people so annoying or have a swinging mood. I guess with that off the table the world will get lots better.

Have you read this book by Harry Mulisch – The Discovery of Heaven / Ontdekking van de Hemel-? In the first chapter of the book he mentioned about how the Creators were amazed by the ability of human to find out the secret essence of life, the DNA’s. It’s too bad I don’t have the book myself so I can’t cite the awesome sentences written down there. I’ll try to find it out later if I have the time.

You know that the characteristics that we have nowadays are biologically inherited or culturally transmitted. So for example if you have blue eyes and tantalizing (original) brunette hair, thank your parents for that. And if after the dinner you have the urge to belch for the reason of politeness, thank your ancestor as well for they are responsible for making such agreement. See the difference?

And now I wish all of our characteristics are controlled by our genes and we have the technology to switch it on or off as we desire. That would make our life easier, wouldn’t it?? Take for example what’s happening to me. It’s now 1.15 in the morning and I still have to dig in the damn intracellular network research assignment and pouring all my sweat into it. But of course, I have no interest on doing so since I’m not in the mood and instead, I’m writing this useless thing that nobody is interested at. And you know what will happen, I’ll stay awake the whole night and cursing myself for not doing the research earlier. Have no enough sleep, going to school in a bad mood, ruining all my tomorrow plan, just to mention a few of the negative result.
Now imagine if only I can turn off my lazy mood with just a flick, use your imagination and put yourself in this all too familiar a situation, and see just how wonderful it will work for us. But yeah, let’s wait and see if my wish will become reality one day.

A quote from Abraham Lincoln:
“I don’t know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.”

about friends

2005-04-27T12:40:00.000+02:00

Sudah bbrp hari terakhir ini aku lagi kepikiran tentang yg namanya teman.
Ngerti kan.. teman as in people who are close to you, in various extends, who share everything you're going through...
Kalo dipikir2 pertemanan kita, you know who you are (terlalu banyak utk disebutin satu2), itu unik banget...
Mungkin karena kita semua yang jauh dari keluarga dan harus belajar bgm bisa survive di situasi dan lokasi yg bener2 berbeda jadinya kita semua pada membentuk a certain bond yg mungkin nggak bakalan bisa terjadi kalo kita pada nggak ketemuan di sini, di amsterdam.
Sehabis baca blognya nari, mau nggak mau aku jadi merasa agak melankolis dan sentimental. Dan terus aku coba memprediksi gmn kalo sudah waktuku utk move on, get on my feet alone without you all. Bukannya aku nggak mau bareng2 sama kalian terus, but I'm just being realistic here.. it's just impossible. Dan apa yang aku bayangin bikin aku takut.
From all the things that make me afraid, there's just one thing that I'm really afraid of and I'm trying to deny. I'm afraid that after I moved on, I'm gonna forget you all...
Forget not in the sense of erasing all the memories we share together (it's impossible!!!!) but more in moving on and losing touch with you all. And I know I'm not good at keeping in touch at all. I seem to have this disorder that makes me have a blackout when I'm trying to do such thing, this is probably what you guys called an asocial personality...
It's sad but it's true and it's happening all the time.
That's why my best friends, please forgive me if I do that. But you have to know that I will never ever forget the times that we share together.
All the good and the bad times.

Sounds like a say-goodbye-letter? Probably it is. For in the future, if we all really have to apart I can just Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V this one ^__^
ps: probably i'm writing this just bcos of my pms + gara2 lagunya natasha beddingfield "I bruise easily". Padahal aku dulunya anti banget sama si natasha ini.. yg ta pikir hanya dom blondje aja kaya si Do. Yah, first impression ku bisa salah juga.

nobody knows

2005-04-19T15:06:00.000+02:00

This is the title of the Japanese movie that I just saw the other day.
It was on Friday night when we (the usual crowds Prasma, Nina, Nat, and Dimas) so compulsively decided to go to see this movie.
Started by Nat's shouting at us saying "Guys, I want to see this japanese movie Nobody knows.. It's supposed to be great", I checked up where and when this movie is played.
It turned out that we're only 1 hour away from the late voorstelling (show). So in a splits second we all decided --> OK, get your jacket and let's go.

In the theater (it's at Cinerama FYI, in case you're interested), I saw quite a lot of Japanese faces.. Hmm, this movie sounds promising, doesn't it? I always think that when there're lots of foreigners gather for something from their own cultures, it must be good.. You know what I mean right??

AND... the movie was superb..
It was great
it was touching
it was heart breaking
and it makes me think.. hard

To tell you first, the movie is based on true story.
The story starts with the house moving of a mother, Keiko, and his son Akira to a new apartment. It all seems normal at the first place but then as the movers are all gone and both the mother and son starts unpacking, you'll start feeling that there is something wrong here.
The suitcases that should have contained all their belongings turn out to be occupied by Akira's 2 younger brother and sister, Shigeru and Yuki.
And not long afterwards, Akira's another younger sister, Kyoko is also introduced in the movie.
They're all happy and content, with Akira as a responsible boy in the family and Kyoko who takes care of the household.
But then all of a sudden, Keiko leaves and only left her children with money enough for a month living.

I don't want to spoil too much here, as you might want to see the film. The heart of the story lies on how the children try to survive without their mother and still think positively about life.
I am not good at words and that's why I can't express how I feel about this movie. If only I have the mind of a poet so that I can express this feeling.
But ya.. the film is sooooo my kind of film and that's why I might be a bit bias about it. Nevertheless, it won at Cannes though (for best actor Yuya Yagira act's for Akira. And he's just turned up 15 this march!!!!)
Geez.... you really should see this movie.. Een echte aanrader.......

Ok, switch subject but with the same title.
Do you ever feel that lots of people know you but they don't really know you?
Not even you yourself know the real you.
Do you? Do you?

The other night I was thinking and recapitulating a piece of my childhood and youth history.
I began to think about myself when I was in high school with all the dramas and stories.
And then suddenly I was there...
I was at the schoolyard.. wearing my white shirt and red skirt...
Laughing and running and sweating
Watching other kids playing and crying
I was back at elementary school.. when I was only 9 yeard old
Dunno what this is.. I couldn't say it was deja-vu
Because it was all in my mind but I feel like I was really there
Feeling happy.. Pure happiness and no any other things

I thought.. this isn't me
I thought...this was me
I thought...would this be me?

geef mij nu je angst

2005-04-13T22:03:00.000+02:00

A song that touches my heart so deeply

Geef mij nu je angst
By:Guus Meeuwis (original version by Andre Hazes)

Je zegt ik ben vrij maar jij bedoelt ik ben zo eenzaam
Je voelt je te gek zeg jij maar ik zit niet te dromen
Want die blikken in je ogen zegen alles tegen mij
Ik voel me precies als jij dus jij kan eerlijk zijn
Je voelt je heel goed zeg jij je mond begint te trillen
Ik weet dat ik jou kan helpen maar je moet zelf willen
Elkaar nu een dienst bewijzen dat is alles wat ik vraag
Zet weg nu die angst ik wist het al het is mijn dag vandaag

Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

Kijk mij nu eens aan nee zeg maar niets je mag best zwijgen
Het valt nu nog zwaar maar ik weet dat ik jou kan krijgen
Dit hoeft nooit meer te gebeuren als je bij me blijft vannacht
Want dan zal je zien als jij straks wakker wordt dat jij weer lacht

Geef mij het gevoel dat ik er weer bij hoor voortaan
Ik ga met je mee want ik laat je nu nooit meer gaan
Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

Geef mij het gevoel dat ik er weer bij hoor voortaan
Ik ga met je mee want ik laat je nu nooit meer gaan
Geef mij nu je angst ik geef je er hoop voor terug
Geef mij nu de nacht ik geef je hem morgen terug
Zolang ik je niet verlies vind ik heus wel de weg met jou

ada yg lebih parah?

2005-04-11T16:03:00.000+02:00

sudah hampir sebulan lebih aku nggak update si blog ini
kasian deh blogku.. keliatan sepi dan lesu, tidak bergairah
nggak ada feature2 yg fancy2 dan bisa diliat utk menyegarkan mata
hampir sama persis kaya yg punya...
bedanya, blog ku nggak bisa protes dan nggak punya perasaan
lha kalo aku, wah ratunya ngomel dan punya perasaan banget loh

bagi yg bertanya2..in case ada yg baca
knp kok judulnya "ada yang lebih parah?"
ini karena minggu lalu aku bener2 dlm keadaan batin yg parah banget
(maaf kalo bahasanya rada aneh)
yg saking parahnya aku cuma bisa duduk termanggu-manggu
di kamar yg gelap, nunggu sampe aku ketiduran
dan nunggu lagi
apa kira2 hari besok bakalan lebih kelabu ato sama aja kelabunya..

too many things went wrong at the same time
dan kenapa lagi terjadinya ke aku
yang nggak multitasking sama sekali
yang nggak bisa dng gampang switching problems
from the one and the others

tapi aku masih berusaha utk survive
biarpun aku sendiri nggak yakin
apa aku bisa
may god be with me

(post kali ini sucks banget yah.. yg berikutnya moga2 lbh baik dan lbh cheerful hehehe)

ditagih tagih..

2005-03-21T15:17:00.000+01:00

ini bukan ditagih duit, lebih parah malahan
aku ditagih assignmentku...
padahal aku rencananya tuh pingin ngumpulin pagi ini
tepat seblm jam 9 pagi

tapi karena aku weekend yg membabi buta + agak2 sakit
jadinya nggak kelakon deh finishing tugas ini
aku jadi ndak enak ati sama si Pak guru
sampe ditagih dan nagihnya itu yang sopan banget
tambah bikin aku malu dan kerasa aku ini murid bandel deh

aah, tapi sudah 70% dari tugasku selesai kok
jadi Pak guru (kalo2 anda ngerti dan baca blogku)
tugasnya bakalan tak imel besok pagi2 bener deh
suwer... sumpah pramuka deh

spring is here

2005-03-21T10:23:00.000+01:00

pagi ini aku seneng deh
bangun pagi udah good mood aja
karena dibangunin oleh sinar matahari dan bukan wekker pembunuh-orang-sakit-jantung-ku
aku yg biasanya baru bangun udah ngomong sh*t, fu*k, etc (nggak ding, exaggerating aja kok ini, apa namanya --> majas hiperbola yah??)
tadi pagi ini bangun with a smile on the face
just because of a simple thing called sunshine

hmm, terus terus yg bikin aku jadi tambah seneng juga
aku tadi sarapan ala indonesia loh...
beneran, karena tadi bangun pagi jadi bisa sempet masak nasi
terus ngangetin kare kemarin dan makan enak dan lahap
myam myam myam....
btw, si kare itu aku bikin dari bumbu sotonya mamaku ditambah kokosmelk
wuuueeennaaakkk tenan.. aah jadi makin cinta mama

omong2 tentang kehebatan masak mamaku
kan si mama ini pinter masak banget dan bikin aku jadi nggak bisa masak
alhasil aku mikir, kasian ya suami sama anakku nanti
mereka tak kasi makan indomie saben hari wakakakakaka...
pinginnya sih mulai dari sekarang ngumpulin resep2 dari mama
jadi biar masakan keluarga nggak punah deh
itu kan salah satu warisan leluhur, ya nggak ya nggak??

eniwei, aku barusan aja mutusin utk blabbering aja di blog kali ini
jadi apa yg muncul di pikiranku bakal ditulis, without any particular subject or order
jadi bagi yg ndak biasa sama jalan pikiranku, biasakanlah ^_^

aku lagi di sekolah nih, tujuannya mo bikin tugas dalam konsentrasi penuh
but since I AM the Queen of Procrastinating
jadinya selama 1 jam ini aku jalan2 dengan alasan sbb:
1. ngisi air di botol
2. beli kopi di kantin bawah (ketemu lagi sama mbak yg flirting sama aku!! eh aku blm crita ini yah.. lain kali deh)
3. sok2 sibuk ngeprint document2
4. ngecheck imel
5. updating blog
hahahahahaha... jadi agak merasa bersalah nih

and of course aku duduknya milih di ruangan yg di seberangnya ruangan guruku yg itu tuh..
so from time to time, noleh ke kiri utk checking him out, kali2 aja dia lagi jalan2 ke luar ato ke mana gitu
hmm let me see, udah brp hari yah aku ndak ketemu sama dia?
kurang lbh 4 hari deh.. hmm kangennnn!!!!
jadi pengen cari alasan buat ketemu nih
apalagi hari ini aku pake rok lho (in verband met de lente!!)
jadinya biar dia tau bahwa ada feminine side of me
lha wong sehari2nya dia cuma liat aku pake celana jeans belel + kaos.. gmn mo tertarik!!!

eniwei, akhir2 ini nafsu makanku nggak bisa di-rem
walahdalah.. beneran aku kali ini nggak hyperbola kok
ini ada satu fakta yg bisa nunjukin betapa parahnya aku
kan sabtu kemarin aku beli roti satu loaf gitu + strawberry jammya Betuwe (sumpah enak banget!)
nah tebak deh, dari satu loaf itu udah abis brp??
pagi ini aku liat udah tinggal 1/3-nya!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS
bearti hari sabtu + minggu aku ngabisin 2/3 roti ini... alamakkk
bandingin sama keadaan biasa: 1 loaf paling2 abis dlm 1 minggu

ndak tau deh, apa ini gara2 perubahan cuaca dari winter ke spring
ato gara2 mo pms, atao gara2 aku stress ya (iya rek, aku stress banget)!!
helppp.. aku nggak mau summer nanti nggak bisa pake rok ato celana pendek
dan parahnya lagi, ada temenku satu cowok yang bilang gini :
"in, kamu kok tambah gendut ya!! apalagi rambutmu pendek begini, tambah keliatan chubby deh "
shit....emang pada dasarnya aku ini gendut and i don't mind
tapi aku ya berusaha (sbg cewek yg normal lah) utk tdk bertambah gendut

numpuk deh masalahku......
1. those damn assignments yg aku udah bosen banget liatnya
2. 2 exams ini 2 weeks time
3. no money left for next month
4. lingkar pinggang yg growing
5. oya baru inget: my non-existence love life

well.... i'm trying to be optimistic lah.. masalah ya harus dipecahkan satu per satu
menurut tingkat kepentingannya... hopefully with the new season coming
i'll get brand new and fresh spirit and hope
now i wonder, how's your spring-is-in-the-air feeling guys??

al goed, eind goed

2005-03-15T11:33:00.000+01:00

mwahahahaha....
i'm so freakingly happy at this moment
i quit my job.. you know, the one that i was complaining about
i have a feeling that i should feel sad about this
but i just couldn't help to smile and laugh

hehehe
hahaha
huhuhu
hihihihi

these past two weeks were hell to me and i know that was because of this so called job
and now i'm freeeeeeee... yippie...
i know i deserve a better job and a much better bos

anyway, i want to celebrate my freedom by having a hair cut!!!
i've been longing for a hair cut since months ago
and now i have (a) reason(s) to have one
just choose which one is suitable for you:
a) i'm so sad and depressed coz i lost my job, thus i need to spoil myself a bit
b) i'm so happy coz i'm free from the git that used to be my bos and want to celebrate it
c) summer is coming and my hair is all over my face ^_^
d) have someone around that you want to impress

aah.. finally i'm happy again ^_^
trust me, you don't want to be around me when i'm in a bad mood
everything just seems to be alright today
this is the list of things that make me happy:
1. quit job
2. solve my immunocomplex calculation problem
3. nice weather outside, don't even need to wear coat and shawl
4. going to have haircut soon
5. meet my "secret and forbidden" man and see him smiling (AAUWWW)
6. feel optimistic that i can finish all my assignments today since i don't have to go to work

i'm going to enjoy myself for the rest of the day
tata

hatred

2005-03-04T14:19:00.000+01:00

I thought yesterday was the worst day in this week. I got yelled at by my bos at work and felt really like sh*t becoz of that. Yeah I know I made mistakes, but come on, I've been only working there for like 3 days and he expected me to know everything. I was even warned if I do one more mistake I can go...
Belieeeveee me.... I WANT TO GO as well.. it's no fun working there, it's just that I need the money so much otherwise I'll throw coffee at his face and walk out of there A.S.A.P.
What a prick!!!!

And of course I kept thinking about this and the result, as I already expected, I am so in a bad mood today. Can't even think about the assignment I have to do today.... Three times F*** to him.

Inspite of the bad stuff I got yesterday, I realized now that I was wrong for this whole almost 5 years. I thought that I was strong enough to cope with everything live's throwing at me. I thought I didn't need anyone to help me.. Such an independent woman I thought I was.

Sadly, that wasn't true. Yesterday, I felt so lonely, tired, sad and mad at this life of mine. So sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need someone to be by my side. To share all my happiness and sadness.

Damn... now I am just being mellow...

resolution

2005-02-27T20:50:00.000+01:00

barusan aja aku baca2 blog temen2ku
dan aku jadi terinspirasi utk nulis ttg resolution deh
new year resolution nih maksudnya

dulunya, ciee....
iya, dulu pas tanggal 1 januari 2005
aku dah bikin new year resolution
nulis resolutionnya nih ga pakai acara ceremony2-an
malah kertas buat nulis si resolution ini kertas jelek banget
yang udah kelipet-lipet dan ketulis-tulies
udah diremet2 pula
pokonya kertas jelek deh

dengan pd-nya aku nulis resolutionku sbb:
(eh bentar.. kok lupa ya.. cari kertasnya dulu....)
(after few minutes)
(shit..shit... kertasnya ilang...huaa...:( )

1. coba nepati janji
2. eat less
3. sport more
4. sekolah yg bener

yah pokoknya gitu lah kira2.. ingetnya cuma nomer 1 sampe 3. yang nomer 4 itu tuh barusan aja dibikin
hihihihi.. valid nggak ya??

aku jadi mikir, sejauh ini apa resolution ku udah kutepati.
let's see..mari kita berkapitulasi

1. nepati janji : keliatannya aku lebih bisa nepatin janji deh taun ini dari pada taon lalu.
moga2 aja terus berlanjut sampe seterusnya..

2. eat less : sodara2.. dng malu saya ngaku kalo saya tambah gendut... aaarrgghhhhh.. gimana nih
sebel deh. gara2 winter yg kelamaan nih. makanya aku jadi bruang, yg isinya makan dan tidur mlulu..
alhasil resolusi nomer 3 jadinya juga gak kejadian..
moga2 aja di bulan2 mendatang, diet tambah lancar.. dan pas summer bisa pake baju2 yg pas :d
hehehe... ada seseorang nih yg pingin di-impress wakakakakaka...

4. sekolah yg bener : sampe sejauh ini.. nggak tau.. barusan aja mulai, moga2 lancar deh. soalnya susah banget sih
tapi kesusahan pelajarannya terkompensasi kok sama docentnya.. hahaha... cakep banget oii..

krn bulan februari udah ampir abis, aku mo berusaha dari awal lagi utk nepatin these resolutions.. anggep aja deh awal yg baru
udah ah.. mo kerjain tugas dulu

ik ben moe

2005-02-27T20:22:00.000+01:00

mood: sleepy and lazy
background music: ray charles' Georgia on my mind

Thinking about the late Ray Charles, bring me to the film Ray. Saw it the other day on the special collaboration with Amsterdam Jazz orchestra and thanks to a friend who gave the ticket as a late b'day present.

It was such a great evening, inspite of the cold weather outside. The film was great but won't get my vote for the best movie though. What I enjoyed the most was the performance of the orchestra and the singer, Madeline something, forgot it.
She has absolutely fabulous voice which is great for the typical ray charles' melody.

They performed some of the most well known Ray's songs, like Hit the road jack, Mess around, and What'd I say, which was the closure for the evening. Trying to relive the act on the movie where Ray song What'd I say, Madeline asked everyone to sing along with her. And spontaneously everyone started to stand up and dance. It felt so good seeing all the people singing along and having such a good time.

Enough bout Ray, since I'm not really a fans of him, I think he was a hypersexual and a bit of a creep. But ya, that's only my impression from the movie.

inside a girl head

2005-02-25T15:19:00.000+01:00

Girl:

oh my god, he is here... look cool and cute!!

Boy:

...

Girl:

damn, he's smiling at me

Boy:

...

Girl:

say something smart and again look cute!!

Boy:

..........

...........

Girl:

how to do subtle flirting?????

Boy:

.................................................

Girl:

man.. i'm blushing

i bet he can hear my heart beats

Boy:

.........................

..............

.................................................

................................

Girl:

what does he mean by that?

Boy:

..................................

............................................

Girl:

come on you fool, make a move first

Boy:

.....

........

Girl:

freak, that's it??

another sleepless night deciphering what he wants then

another attempt to stay awake

2005-02-25T12:26:00.000+01:00

as the title reveals
aku lagi bosen banget di kantor
dengan kerjaan2 yang sama bosenin-nya
kerjaan yang kalo aku mau jujur
nggak bakalan ku kerjain dng level pendidikanku yg skrg

but since life is full with dillema
i am soo trapped in this most boring job in the world
kalo aja...

kalo aja aku kaya ....
ga bakalan aku landed doing this job
aku bisa belajar lebih serius
biar jadi orang yg lbh pinter

tapi aku jadinya mikir kalo misalnya jalan hidupku bisa diatur semau gue
will i be the person that i am today?
nah, karena aku ga bisa ngatur idupku sak karepku dewe
jadinya ......

TO BE CONTINUED ......

lazy ass

2005-02-25T10:26:00.000+01:00

goooooddd morning...
beautiful day is coming
the weather looks ok
a bit cold for this time of the year
but at least the sun is shining
trust me, if you live here, it is a miracle
that no clouds are covering the sun

feel kinda slow and low
it's friday and really hv no intention
to sit in the office the whole day
to be in the same room with all the old, nasty, and stinky men
they are just oblivious about the smell

anyway, been listening to the whole De-Lovely soundtrack this morning
feel a bit happier after Elvis Costello's Let's Misbehave
sounds a good advice huh..

time to go back to work now
but, i'm such a lazy ass
so probably i'll just sit around
and look busy

February, month of stories

2005-02-25T06:45:00.000+01:00

lots of things happened this month
so many that i couldn't even remember it one by one
but let's give it a shot, shall we?
first thing first, i'm officially a student again
a grad student to be precise

hoooraayy for me...
i also figured out what i want to be
the feeling that you finally know who you want to be
can't even describe it in words
i want to be: a scientist

i remember when i was a child, my mom asked me many times
darling, what do you want to be in the future?
i remember i couldn't answer it directly like any other kids would
and when i finally gave my answer
i know, already, that's not what i want
so, trust me, it's such a relieve
one particular word that i've been looking for all these years

but now, a pessimistic as i always am
start asking and doubting
what if....
can not do this
fail to do that
not my real me

funny thing though
as if God knows my questions
many things came up and appeared
as if to show me this is right
i will wait and see if that is so
(just realize, i shouldn't only wait, i have to do)

next event, please
alrighty

four years had i spent
failed to loving or caring
for anyone special
feared that i couldn't love
feared that i am dead inside
finally......

a man
passion for what he does
intelligence to know what he wants
know when to make me laugh
trigger the butterflies in my stomach to fly

quoting Bobby Darin
why must i be a teenager in love?
blush whenever he's around
talking nonsense
can't even look him in the eye

be in love is wonderful
be in love is a gift
hangin' there
cherish it
let it blossom

Test drive on blogger

2005-02-24T16:50:00.000+01:00

Hmm... let's see if I'm smart enough to navigate this bloggger thing